i was such a good mom before i had kids

the week that just wouldn't quit

2012-01-15T23:26:00.002-05:00

this was the week that just wouldn't quit. there were highs and there were lows and my poor pregnant brain had trouble processing all of them. today i actually wore my pants inside out for most of the afternoon until i realized my mistake. i like one exciting event per week with a whole lot of monotony and laundry folding filling the other days.

monday- the national championship. some said the game was boring. i think that's what losers say.

tuesday- i started watching downton abbey season 1. throw a british accent in it and i'll watch it(with the exception of anything with russell brand in it). it is excellent. and the costumes are brills. ps- i took the quiz and i'm edith. which is wickedly awesome.

wednesday- the bolt in the tire debacle. i drove over a tractor bolt on the way to pick reagan up from school and that set off a domino effect for terrible. after 4 fun-filled hours the debacle was resolved. word to the wise- if your hubcaps require a special unlocking tool besides a regular tire iron, make sure you actually own said unlocking tool. that will help things immensely. discovering you don't have it while you are on the side of the road definitely complicates the situation and forces you to say several bad words in your head.

wednesday part b- i'm 24 weeks pregnant. my back pain is ridiculous and half the time i hobble like a 89 year old grandma. my doctor suggested that i carry about a doughnut pillow. awesome.

friday- by friday i thought i had had enough excitement in my life. and then i got a message from scarlett's school asking if she was coming that day. for some reason i just completely forgot to take her so i had to scramble like loony to get her there only 1 hour late. and that was the nail on the stupid mistakes coffin.

saturday- we took a road trip to ikea. scarlett got ice cream. reagan got pizza. baby X got a high chair. the playroom got a shelving unit. i got restless legs. thomas got the flu and then had to drive all of us around. bless his heart.

christmas broke

2011-12-31T22:33:00.000-05:00

christmas break excites and frightens me at the same time. i love my kids but i love they both go to school pretty regularly. frankly, i like going to the bathroom with the door closed. heck, i may get crazy and bring a magazine. sometimes i even want to dash through the grocery store and only have it take 5 minutes because i am only getting one item! i think it makes perfect sense that while i was looking forward to christmas break, i was also a little nervous about the copious amounts of unstructured free time we would all have together. i figured that the best way to get the kids excited for christmas break was to tell them about a friend's christmas party that was going to be held after school on friday. complete with santa and holiday treats. i used it to my advantage for a few days. i held it over their heads for homework, screaming, being nice, sharing, eating dinner, cleaning up. whatever. the usual incentive parenting techniques(because you know "talking things out" simply doesn't work.) then, when friday finally rolled around, we stopped by the store and excitedly picked out our snack contribution. mostly stuff that i like to eat, because i am pregnant and can do whatever i want whenever i want. then i started getting the kids ready for the party. i double checked for directions and started food prep. at this point i realized the party was YESTERDAY. thursday. as in not friday. i then proceeded to repeatedly shut my head in the door of the refrigerator because i know there will be HAIL to pay when i break the news to the kids. i also knew that i would want to be deafened because i would hear for the rest of the day(weekend, month, year) "why did you forget?" in your child's nicest most innocent voice. over and over again. like a dull knife repeatedly stabbing your eardrums. so instead of the truth, i told the kids the party was cancelled because someone got sick and was throwing up. the kids are always fascinated by news of someone throwing up. in short, not only am i a forgetful mother, but i am also a liar. to compensate for all my maternal shortcomings, we headed to blockbuster. i even let them pick out 2 movies. and that is how we got ready for christmas break.

LET THE RANDOM CHRISTMAS BREAK ACTIVITIES BEGIN!!!

on our way to blockbuster- scarlett in a random mismash of summer clothes and tights and reagan in his pajamas.

reagan visiting santa at our neighborhood party. he smeared the crumbs all over his face as a special touch.

scarlett in an outfit she didn't want to wear in the first place. and then she realized he friend jacqui was santa's elf and got to wear an elf dress and that only made matters worse.

CHRISTMAS SWIMMING

christmas always means swimming. both kids gave my stomach a couple of good kicks. that is what happens to parents in the pool. i'm sure the baby appreciated the kicks too.

CHRISTMAS PARTY

we watched "shrek the halls"(a classic) about a dozen times and reagan decided he wanted a christmas dinner party, just like shrek. so on christmas eve eve we had some friends over. i decorated with the most tacky dollar store decorations i could find. that is going to be my new christmas theme. tacky tinsel and randomly strewn mulit-colored christmas lights. i think i eventually want to be THAT house in the neighborhood. i even cooked dinner. it was a christmas miracle.

this was the dining room after the kids were done eating.

i made my red velvet brownie cake.

thomas humored me by reading "scene it" game questions. naturally, i dominated. i have no other skillz besides useless trivia.

CHRISTMAS MORNING

started off with a thud with scarlett climbing in our bed at 4am. i DO NOT like kids in the bed. but i felt like a grinch so i let her stay. and then i was cranky for the next 3 hours until i finally kicked her out.

reagan got the one thing he really wanted, the movie, g-force. talking guinea pigs=100% cinematic genius. after that present opening was gravy.

sign #5425 that you are a mom: gifts for the home are gifts for you. i was actually pretty thrilled with my new stainless steel garbage can. i LOATHED and DESPISED the old one. thomas said the new one was for the "whole family" but we know what that means.

really, reagan could have cared less about presents after g-force was acquired:

miraculously we were able to postpone the rest of present opening until after church. with no tears and no whining. another christmas miracle.

we reserved the whining for family photo taking. 3 family members whined about this. in fact, it was these 3:

next year i'm asking for a tripod so it can be a real family picture. if only i had thought of balancing my camera on my new stainless steel garbage can!

scarlett had the best reactions to her gifts. i think we could have given her a box of rocks and she would have squealed with delight.

she loved this light saber, even though according to her "girls aren't jedis".

sign #3025 you are a mom: gift card to bed, bath and beyond with strict instructions to "buy a dutch oven". also included was a 20% off coupon. that is why i love my mother. there is never a time to not save money.

scarlett opening her easy bake oven. for months now she has been talking about being a chef and opening a restaurant called "the golden pumpkin" and cooking food for people with an easy bake oven. i wish i had gotten a better picture because this expression was priceless. she even let me cook some (NASTY) cookies in it later that day whilst she played with other toys. i was still under her supervision, of course.

thomas and his "back stretcher" that reagan picked out.

and the requisite christmas gift- race cars and track that usually only work on christmas day and then never work again. another christmas miracle, these cars still work.

and in an ironic twist: thomas got the most clothes for christmas. 14 shirts. i think it was his dream come true.

baby X

2011-12-14T16:56:00.002-05:00

a face only a mother could love:

because that face is a little creepy. scarlett looked just like darth vader in her twenty week ultrasound, so i'm pretty sure this cute little lizard-faced girl will turn out alright too. either way she's ours and we love her.

when the tech found the heart and we watched all 4 chambers pump, it was a little emotional for me. i didn't really care either way what the baby's gender was, but when i saw that tiny heart working it's magic, i was in awe. i've been pretty grinchy this whole pregnancy(as opposed to regular heidi grinchy. some of you may not be able to tell the difference. thomas can. pregnant grinchy involves less cooking and more gas.) but i was without words momentarily. miracle of miracles. Heavenly Father has been so good to us. plus, it was wonderful to be able to hold hands with thomas while we watched the ultrasound together. it was our best date since i brought chipotle to his office last month.

i must admit that i laughed like the immature 10-year-old-boy-in-a-grown-woman's-body-that-i-am when the tech was pointing out and was using the technical terms for the girl parts. when will i grow up? or when will those words stop being funny?

i told the kids the big news when they got home from school and scarlett seemed pleased that everything was going along with her plans for baby ursula. her other name suggestions are gurlix and greenleaf. reagan was disappointed because he wanted a brother named gus, not another sister. and i can understand that because i know how annoying a little sister can be. now he will have 2.

thomas seems pleased, but i was a little sad when i thought that now we won't have a little herschel walker simpson. that name was our only boy option. and we don't have any girl names that we agree on. so we are calling her baby X for the time being. because i'm a name snob. i like athena, iris and luna. i also really, really like monroe, but mariah carey just named one her twins that and therefore that puts it in the possible ultra-trendy category.

so this is christmas

2011-12-12T22:35:00.001-05:00

our christmas season thus far:

church christmas party* it was announced that we could wear costumes if we wanted for our night in bethlehem. reagan heard "costumes" and immediately decided that darth vader was obviously one of the magi. wise men came from far away and at least one came from long ago and a galaxy far, far away. scarlett wanted to be mary so i put her in a robe with stars. my great effort was not wasted.

does it get better than this?

and one more, olan mills style:

nativity* the kids have also put their special touch around the house:

the real reason there was no room in the inn:

christmas decor* i am a fan of white lights but scarlett wanted "gorgeous, beautiful colored lights, not GROSS white lights". in my Christmas spirit, i caved and got a few strands. and then we haphazardly threw them on the bushes like the rednecks we are.

only 13 days till christmas. time to start shopping.

fanx givng

2011-12-02T16:32:00.002-05:00

fanx givng has come and gone. we had a 24 hour long trip to waycross. we fit in as much as humanly possible in an inhuman amount of time. including a nap in a movie theater(me, to no one's surprise!), rides in a camouflage golf cart scouting out deer on the farm and 2 vomits by 2 kids. as an added bonus, one vomit was in the car!!! excessive exclamation point celebration!!! i can't wait to be dead so that i can take a break from a few things.

thomas celebrated the holiday by dismantling the alarm system at the place we were staying. we arrived at 1230 at night and by 130am the alarm system beeping every 60 seconds was less than charming. thomas has a future in cat burglary,except for the walking quietly part. he snipped just the right wires. i couldn't have been prouder. it was a very non-violent act when we both had quite violent emotions toward the control panel. score one for for dr. martin luther king and nonviolence!

the kids always enjoy their brief doses of farm life.

less enjoyable was the time we spent collecting pecans(pronounced pee-cains) in the orchard. (FYI-pecans grow on trees. big machines come and shake the trees and cause the pecans to fall to the ground. other machines collect the pecans from the ground. then whatever is left is collected by people with tools that resemble raffle ticket drums. i am surprised that there isn't some group of tree huggers protesting the tree shaking because it causes emotional tree trauma.)

the kids were helpful for about 5 minutes and then the adult were left with the bulk of the work. what good are kids if they can't complete simple yard work tasks?

a personal disaster for me was waking up the day after thanksgiving and discovering that my left contact lens had ripped in half. to pour salt in the wound, i had also forgotten to pack my glasses. i am worthless without either of those items because my vision is so bad. fortunately, the waycross walmart vision center was able to contact my eye doctor and supply me with an emergency contact lens. at first the employee sort of rolled her eyes at my request but once she got the fax with my prescription her eyes popped out of her head at my utter blindness. and she also witnessed me run into a few things around the optical. if pity equals helpfulness, i'll take it. crisis averted.

a personal highlight for thomas and me was spying this van equipped with a running toilet and swamp cooler. i bet that's a fun combination on a hot day in southeast georgia.

a gastronomic delight was our lunch at jerry js. if ever you are feeling too good about how your pants fit and the health of your heart, head here and order the texas backyard burger. delicious. after your meal, if you sit quietly enough, you can actually hear your arteries hardening.

finally. if you look closely enough, there is a family in this picture.

our christmas card will most likely not have an accompanying photo. we have taken NUMEROUS on SEVERAL occasions and we are just not a photogenic family. i think the slightly out of focus, very far away, bad lighting look is our best option. artsy.

appreciation is in the air tonight

2011-11-22T22:38:00.000-05:00

1. i'm thankful for garbage bag turkey costumes. made by someone else.

2. a husband who consistently says, "oh her? she's totally ugly."

3. antibiotics.

4. food tasting good again.

5. 75 degree fall days.

6. reagan's sense of humor.

7. scarlett's enthusiasm for life.

8. phil collins. in the air tonight. that song is almost as old(young) as me. still love it.

9. will arnett on "up all night".

10. kids that don't mind playing in gigantic piles of leaves. that may or may not have mushrooms growing on dog poop in them. ignorance is bliss.

11. running again. even if it's only on a treadmill.

12. increasing numbers

13. face wash with little granules for scrubbing.

14. the baby's room. it's completely empty and therefore always clean. sometimes i just stand at the door and stare. i don't ever want to put furniture in there. or a baby. mess makers.

15. my young women at church. i love love love them.

16. my kid's teachers at church. i love love love them.

17. long-running jokes. or jokes in general. i can joke about anything. often at inappropriate times. it's a gift.

ROCKtober

2011-11-09T22:20:00.000-05:00

my sister is preg with her first baby due about a month before me. since i am an expert on all things parental and maternal she has been positively peppering me with questions. about 3 weeks ago she asked me to tell her something good about motherhood. as i received this text i was wrangling children for bed and i saw that this is what they did to the bathroom that i had futilely and stupidly just finished cleaning moments before: toothpaste is my nemesis.

needless to say i never answered that text.

but now i will, by recapping the month of october.

the family has been suffering from a lack of food and fun since my short term abdominal incarceration and the kids have been forced to fend for themselves for entertainment more often than usual.

scarlett got especially tired of my useless self laying prone on the couch that she got the dog's leash and tied it to the banister and had me hold the other end so that she could "jump rope". i felt pretty lame.

pumpkin carving was especially thrilling as we threw caution to wind and let everyone hold the knife at once whilst carving.(thomas instructed us that we would ALL BE PARTICIPATING IN THE PUMPKIN CARVING or else this year. he's such a temperamental artist. i didn't receive an ounce of help on my ugly pumpkin.)

scarlett pitched in by cleaning various kitchen accoutrements. with the sink and grout scrubber. so i got to clean everything again. with bleach.

reagan filled books and books and books with pictures and letters and notes with messages like, "no girls allowed, this means you."

trunk or treat at the church. i was a grinch who only gave out one small piece of candy to each kid who came to our trunk. and they got nothing if they didn't say trick or treat or wear a "real" costume.

and it was quite apropos that i dressed as darth vader since thomas' term of endearment for me while i am pregnant is darth madre. because i breathe loud and i'm mean and i want to squeeze people's windpipe's closed with my mind. (and that is why everyone only gets ONE piece of candy. obesity is an epidemic and i am doing my part to curb it!)

grandma sandy came for halloween and that made me completely happy. every day she said, "heidi, you look tired. go take a nap. i would love to play with the kids." thomas would never call her darth madre. he would call her saint sandy the benevolent and long-suffering.

and i learned that my favorite hand me down pot is actually at least 50 years old and that my grandma bonnie cooked with it when my mom was a child. (it has a copper bottom, the best and most even conductor of heat!)

we took family pictures and only the ones without thomas and me looked good.

target is my go-to lunch date with scarlett. they cook the food for you! we get the pretzle and icy bear(slurpee) combo.

actual dia de los muertos. princess leia, hot dog/buzz lightyear and me. a gross old homeless woman with a raging 2 week old sinus infection wearing two sweatshirts while walking a fat, smelly ancient dog who can't walk more than 10 feet without marking something or gasping for air. it was sort of a disappointment for me.

AND FINALLY...

scarlett got her ears pierced. she BEGGED and promised to stop sucking her thumb(liar!) and to clean up her room everyday. i'm the sucker. but she sure looks cute.

plus, once i got some REAL sinus medication in my system, i noticed how lovely the trees are in autumn. i had been missing so much.

yay south cackalacki!

so, in short. being a mom is awesome. this month i learned to be patient with them and they were very very very patient with me.

coming soon

2011-10-11T19:05:00.001-04:00

may 2, 2012
(where do you think i can find one of those flattering dresses?)

conference thoughts

2011-10-02T21:19:00.000-04:00

conference weekend! we try to watch as many sessions as we can at home, but i do like to make it to the chapel for at least one session. with the 4 people in our family, we occupied 3 pews. that is how we stay reverent.

once again, conference was for me. i got so many inspired and uplifting things out of it. i especially enjoyed elaine s. dalton's talk on fathers being a positive influence in the lives of their daughters. i really like how sister dalton is always so emphatic that virtue is empowering. i love that. it's true and one of the best weapons against immorality.

i also really enjoyed elder randall k. bennett's talk on the gift of choice. how it is so easy to choose eternal life when we have the correct priorities. the comment that really got me is when he said," do we wish we could only play, only eat ice cream and never go to bed?" it is very easy to confuse why we don't do what we should with being "busy" when we are really being "apathetic". i like ice cream a lot, but i need to realize that not everything can be sweet, work is an important aspect to our lives and our spiritual development and that it's never too late and never too hard to make a correct choice.

finally, i enjoyed j devn cornish's comment, "Heavenly Father wants to bless us but He will not infringe upon our agency." we must approach him in prayer, we must be honest in our request and actions and we must repent.

on a non-Gospel note, the weather was so perfect on saturday afternoon that we had bike races and played hide and seek at the park.

i also bought a large tub of cookies and cream ice cream and thoroughly enjoyed that as my "after hours" treat with thomas. "put the kids to sleep, get out the ice cream". that is what my parenting book will be called.

only from kansas city!

2011-09-23T09:21:00.000-04:00

happy days are here again!

thomas surprised me with an order of jack stack burnt ends, beef and pork, cheesy corn and baked beans. we both read an article in the wall street journal last week about the best barbeque being from kansas city. we wholeheartedly agree. we have tried many styles of barbeque and while many are excellent(carolina gold mustard sauce, dreamland ribs in tuscaloosa, big bad wolves in tuscaloosa) none can hold a candle to kansas city style. i can't even find burnt ends out here. according to the article, burnts ends originated in kansas city when former slaves who moved to the area didn't want to waste a single iota of precious meat. the burnt ends were literally overcooked yet delicious meat ends that fell off another cut of cooked meat. they are tough but melt in your mouth at the same time. it is a scientific impossibility. you can put them on sammiches, add them to stew or eat them straight. the beef ones are my favorite. they have been called "nuggets of barbeque gold". and that is your barbeque lesson for the day.

don't bother us on saturday because we will be eating.

i'm not the favorite

2011-09-18T17:11:00.000-04:00

and i'm totally good with that.

on sunday, everyone-reagan, scarlett and meatball have to be within a 2 foot radius of thomas. i had a fleecy blanket and the entire couch to myself. it was great! my restless legs kicked to my hearts desire.

sunday is my favorite day of the week(except for all the yelling because we are late for church, as per usual. "get your dang shoes on your dang feet so that we can get to the dang church on time!" we're definitely ready for church after that exchange.) i love being home all afternoon because this is the one day that thomas is home all day too. it's fun to sit by him during church and poke him in the arm and irreverently pass notes. the kids always go to him to answers because he's more likely to say yes. i'm a mere fixture of the house on sunday.

today we watched return of the jedi for our family movie. it gets better and better with every viewing. the kids like the ewoks and thomas and i like to compare and contrast the parallels of the "force" and the gospel. it is sunday afterall. but, scarlett asks non-stop questions through the entire thing, related and unrelated. most often it is a chewbacca translation. or, "why did he pick the red light sabre." or "do the ewoks want ice cream?" or "did jabba buy the rancor(the large beast who lives in his dungeon) at a pet store?" or "if we look outside, can we see the death star?"

it's great. and i don't mind being a mere fixture.

school drool jump in a pool

2011-08-18T20:49:00.000-04:00

yay for school! scarlett started another glorious year of pre-school. 3 days a week 8:30 to 1:30! boo yah! she was up before the sun and completely ready by 7:12. she even let me blow dry her hair. it's like she has decided to be a real girl.
as an added bonus she posed for about 10 minutes in the front yard. she insisted on standing with the bouncy ball.

she was especially excited about her new kicks and hello kitty socks. she wanted them to have their own picture. after much thought, she decided to save the keroppi socks for day 2.

drop off was easy peasy.

this was completely unstaged. i am a lucky mom to have my kids like each other this much.

as scarlett would say, BOOMSHAKALAKA!

after we dropped off scarlett, reagan and i headed to the waterpark with a bunch of girls.

poor scarlett. but fun for us!

reagan started 1st grade on wednesday. we all overslept and made it to school 20 minutes late. all our celebratory first day of school pictures took place in the car:

or rushing into the school:

or after shoving him into his seat and telling him a quick goodbye!

GO TEAM SIMPSON! way to start the year off right!

first things first

2011-08-14T16:35:00.000-04:00

the next time i move it will be in a wooden box into the cold, hard ground.

we are in our new house. (for those playing along at home, this is our 9th move in 9 years. some were cross town, others have been cross country.) i really like it. dare i say it, can it be love? possibly. thomas and i were both excited about this house because of the price but now that we are in it, i think i may even like other things about it too. lots of trees, big closets, side entry garage, tons of natural light, a room just for books and a new neighbor who brought us dinner on our first night. southerners are the best. there, i said it.

and just so you know our priorities are straight, before the movers cracked open the truck, thomas put his flag up. later this week when i find my alabama flag, i may need to pull a switcheroo. heck, we may even buy a BYU flag this year since that is both of our alma maters.

i've had a request or two for photos. as soon as i put away a few things, i'll honor that request.

but first, some sweaty kids with back to school haircuts:

and now i am going to ignore everything else going on in my life and make some cookies with scarlett. because i am really good at making cookies.

boomshakalaka

something else i am right about

2011-08-05T23:11:00.001-04:00

today is my parent's 34th wedding anniversary. as my mom said, "we're celebrating, just in different places."

my parents were sealed in the salt lake temple.

thomas and i were sealed in the bountiful temple. july 9th we celebrated our 9th anniversary.

i am happy. today i wanted to bonk the kids heads together and i'm beyond ecstatic for school to start in 10 days. i'm knee deep in the middle of packing for yet another move(thankfully the house we bought is only a few miles away) and thomas is working a billion million hours. but i choose happy and grateful for all that i have.

recently i read a quote by cameron diaz stating, "I think we have to make our own rules. I don't think we should live our lives in relationships based off old traditions that don't suit our world any longer."

well to cameron diaz i say, YOU ARE WRONG! committing with someone and working together and forgiving daily is worth more than any fleeting relationship or shallow experience. we cannot let ourselves think that simply because something is hard it is a "dying institution". being married is hard. i am flawed. thomas is flawed. i like things my way(because i'm right). thomas and i can't take a trip without someone throwing up in the car, plan a party without a miscommunication, talk budget without an eye roll. and heaven forbid we make it to church on time(this hair doesn't just happen).

but i'll keep giving him really good back scratches and he will keep bring me glasses of kitchen(NOT BATHROOM) water at night.

“When we have sampled much and have wandered far and have seen how fleeting and sometimes superficial a lot of the world is, our gratitude grows for the privilege of being part of something we can count on—home and family and the loyalty of loved ones. We come to know what it means to be bound together by duty, by respect, by belonging. We learn that nothing can fully take the place of the blessed relationship of family life.”

-President Thomas S. Monson

reagan is going to college next friday

2011-07-31T22:22:00.001-04:00

reagan gave a talk today in primary. it was about the importance of the temple being the house of the Lord. we wrote it together(ish). he wasn't that keen on the idea but he certainly enjoyed talking into the microphone. he acted like he couldn't read but when he saw me coming to help and not someone more sympathetic, he told me(with a smile) "go away" and "don't look at me." that's the kind of special, close relationship we have. he knows that i am the enforcer. the literacy enforcer!

i'm just glad he did it. i'm pretty keen on kids learning about the gospel of Jesus Christ at a young age. it's one of my things.

plus, he's such a handsome little boy.

he already reminds me all the time that he is going to college next friday. (it's a toy story 3 thing.)

35 so i know you're alive

2011-07-24T15:13:00.000-04:00

thomas turned 35. we love him anyway. for a celebration he said he wanted a meat tornado a la ron swanson from parks and recreation.

i couldn't really find a recipe, though my searching was thorough, so i made something up. it's a pizza with black beans and mexicorn(because i like those things) with a spicy beef and cream cheese compote layered on a bed of barbeque sauce and a fluffy crust. it's the 2nd best thing i have ever made. (next time i may add caramelized onions and cilantro. who knows!? living on the edge when we're 30something!)

the 1st best thing i have ever made was thomas' extra special oreo birthday cake. it's ugly and sloppy, because that's my style, but it tastes like heaven on earth. i'm not an oreo fan, but i love oreos in ice cream or smushed into a cake. this cake is bomb dot com. it was almost like it was my birthday.

we also celebrated by trying to teach the kids about he-man. they weren't that into it. thomas and i loved it. it was funny and nostaligic. the animation was like watching somebody's coloring book on tv.

but scarlett the total tv junkie totally got into the transformers movie. she decided that she likes optimus prime the best but wondered where bumblebee's mother was.

the end.

the triangle of no secrets rides again!

2011-07-17T17:36:00.001-04:00

recent things of recentness:

thomas and i celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary. we took a little overnighter downtown. our original plans of going to atlanta for fun, food, templing and shopping were ruined(and believe me i cried about it. and pouted. and thrashed around on the floor.) because we had to take care of a bunch of paperwork for the house we are in the process of buying. keep your fingers and eyes crossed. i do think the universe is against thomas and i ever spending taking a real trip together. but the trade-off this time is buying a new house so i guess i'll dry my tears and suck it up.

thomas and his two loves- me and crystal light

me and my two loves- thomas and aprons

my mother and sister flew in from kansas city and las vegas, respectively to come and enjoy me(and really, the kids. grandma came for the kids.) for a few days. the triangle of no secrets rides again!!!

i love this action shot of a shove in progess:

we enjoyed our neighborhood park and correcting the spelling of the local graffiti. one of my favorite games to play with heather is "can you find this ridiculous typo?". one time a few years ago heather and i sat down at the dinner table with searched for typos in a kansas city bridal guide. it was the most fun ever. and there were a ton of typos and grammatical errors. i love a misused aprostrophe in a professional publication. we are the worst kind of snob. grammar snobs!

while here, the gals all went to the biltmore together for a little day trip. it was amazing and incroyable and so lovely.

i do believe there is a biltmore curse regarding earring loss. that morning, heather lost one of her favorite earrings. at the biltmore house, i lost one of my favorite earrings. and the next day, my mom discovered that one of her favorite earrings was lost. dun dun DUN!

we laughed and giggled and started all of our stories with, "here's the thing..." we also shared embarassing stories from childhood. most of the stories involved "tooting". or crying. like the time i was in the 4th grade and i had to give a presentation on spain. mom and heather came to watch but my mom accidentally opened the classroom door smack into heather's face so all anyone could hear was heather's screaming. sigh.

for dinner we met up with thomas and the kids at the mellow mushroom(which i still assert is the best pizza ever.) thomas was a dear to take care of the kids all day and cart them to different activities. and their clothes almost matched and fit properly.

my side of the table wasn't as ready for our photo. of course, i am always up for a photo shoot.

the highlight of the night was the torrential downpour and trying to find a bathroom while we were walking around downtown.

some enjoyed it more than others.

we celebrated my mom's and thomas' birthday. the cake was ugly(surprise!) but delicious. i learned the secret of fantastic cakes is to add a box of pudding and a scoop or 3 of sour cream to the batter and the follow the box directions. plates were licked.

ugly is my new party planning theme as represented by my wrap job on my mom's gift:

i'm a much better shopper than wrapper. yo.

and to make this post even longer, we swam.

i must brag on reagan because he is a most excellent swimmer. he can swim the entire length of our pool unassisted. boo ya.

i am extra proud because a lady at the pool asked me if i was his mom or his coach. i was thrilled, but i think she was implying that i was being a little tough on him. but simpsons aren't weenies. i'd like to know what tune she would be singing if she started to drown and reagan had to rescue her.

and i have to make fun of heather on last time. she looked she was about to go hiking in the himalayas with her backpack on. if i was on her plane, i would have avoided her and that backpack at all costs.

birthday party 101

2011-06-30T14:10:00.000-04:00

i think thomas and i have finally mastered the art of throwing a child's birthday party. we didn't have a single squabble about anything when prepping for scarlett's 4th shindig. it was a new record. what i've learned:

1. don't make anything. buy everything. those little water bottles with special labels are cute but completely unneccesary. especially if you can hardly wield a glue gun and craft stores are your nemesis.

2. everyone loves a pinata. it's that primal urge to beat things and be rewarded for it.

3. have a swim party. no other games or activities are neccesary.

i was feeling so magnanimous that i even let scarlett pick out what she wanted for her party. no interference from me. so it was a pink/hello kitty/princess party/hawaiian lei. i gagged a little because of my aversion to princesses but she was so happy that i was happy. and i did have ultimate creative control.

we rented our pool social hall(storage closet):

we invited all our besties:

i ordered a cake from my special top secret bakery(costco):

i was a little embarassed when one of our little friends read the cake and told her dad there was a bad word on it. i forgot kids could read.

not everyone minded though. miss holly enjoyed her piece of cake.

and thanks to the cake, i didn't have to cook very much on sunday.

fun was had by all.

scarlett especially enjoyed the gift opening portion of the afternoon.

on her actual day of birth we opened presents. our family tradition has become that we open some presents at breakfast. scarlett even wore the same hand me down pajamas from birthday 2010.

birthday 2010 at breakfast:

i dressed up for the occasion too.

and then we went downtown to have lunch with daddy and we also enjoyed a gourmet cupcake shoppe.

the cupcakes were overrated but the company was not.

the most exhausting week of my life

2011-06-12T23:20:00.000-04:00

or, the first week of summer break 2011.

in one week, we've been downtown to the fountain.

(ps. if you've ever wanted to visit us, this is the time. plenty of snakes to herp, stank teeth to cavitron, civil war sites to observe, art to feel artsy about, rivers and lakes to tube or whitewater raft, moutains to hike, carolina vinegar and mustard-based barbecue to digest, skeeters to swat, SEC football to worship and a temple to boot. start planning your trips and booking your 15 passenger vans.)

after the fountain we mosey-ed over to a delightful park located under an overpass.

how great is this picture? he tolerates me but he adores his sister.

we've been swimming 3 times.

this is my watch tan:

we made the mistake of going to the park, doing a nature walk and having a picnic on a nearly 100 degree day. that's a recipe for familial disaster. the swings burned our bums, the geese chased us for our lunches, and the bugs really are bigger down below the mason dixon. that's why there are so many registered handgun users here.

we initiated sergeant simpson's summer school. i really dislike dumb kids so we've been having school time everyday. it's been a hit. the m&m part that is.

we slipped and slided for about 15 minutes and came to the conclusion that bruising is just not worth using proper technique.

i collapsed into bed each night. only 9 more weeks until school resumes.

and everything is going to be okay

2011-05-22T17:14:00.000-04:00

recently, reagan was diagnosed with autism. after years of concern and months of testing and waiting, this did not come as a surprise. i think i have known for quite a while. the news came as a relief. answers! as a mother, i believe that you can know things about your children that no one else can. for a long time i was filled with guilt and anxiety that i hadn't done something right. that i was missing something. in actuality, one of the most important parenting lessons i have learned is that when you do have those feelings, that means you are doing something right because you are aware and you are caring. moms are privy to feelings that i know to be God-given. i have always known reagan to be a smart and kind and wonderful boy. he is so special. but i also felt that he was struggling with things that he couldn't articulate. things that didn't even seem to bother him much, except for when others would participate and he would have a hard time interacting. and even then, being alone didn't bother him.

after we heard from the doctor reagan's diagnosis of having high-functioning autism, i was overwhelmed with one thought, everything is going to be okay. not perfect, not easy, not always great, but okay. and i'm good with that. i know that was the Spirit speaking to my heart and my mind. i feel so much peace. i know that the Spirit guides and prompts and comforts.

a few people that i have told have asked how i knew. for me there are 2 main indicators. the first was from his 3k pre-school teacher ms. angela. she was very aware that reagan was struggling socially, but not academically. she got us started on the road to figuring out what to do. my other indicator was scarlett. scarlett is a very warm, out-going and loving child. scarlett was always giving me hugs and kisses and telling me that she loved me. she is a communicator. reagan has only told me that he loves me one time. i remember everything about that moment. it still brings tears to my eyes. it is one of my most precious memories. scarlett has been such a blessing as she pulls reagan out of his shell and reagan keeps scarlett from jumping off the fridge or whatever antic she is up to that day. they are best friends! i know their relationship and their places in our family are no coincidence.

so, we are moving forward. reagan will always be mainstreamed in school because that is how he learns best. we expect great things from him because he is so smart. we know we will learn together and that our family will be strengthened and united. we are a happy family. we have plenty of struggles but i don't like to dwell on that. everybody had got their thing. this is just one of ours.

we have autism and everything is going to be okay.

seriously

2011-05-14T23:31:00.001-04:00

why i am not the fun parent:

i'm a stickler for bedtimes, but on thursday i allowed the kids to play in the backyard for a little extra time before they needed to go put jammies on and get ready for bed. in the course of about 30 seconds we went from happy-go-lucky children joy-riding in the lovely springtime weather to this:

scarlett normally doesn't drive the jeep, she relies on reagan or the neighbor boy to cart her around but this night she decided to take the wheel. she immediately drove the jeep into the creek in our backyard:

this picture is a little deceptive. there is about 5 foot drop from the yard to the creek.

and the jeep had flipped over in the process so i had to summon my bionic strength to lift it and flip it back over.

the kids were still under the jeep when i got to them. i sort of screamed like a little girl watching her barbie dolls melt. BUT, on a positive note, i have never ran faster. i wish someone had been timing me.

miraculously, no one was hurt even though the creek is full of rocks and the water is deeper than it looks. when i jumped in i sank down in the mud until the water was up to my knees. all i could think of once i stuck the landing was :

a. how many snakes might be in the creek

b. this is why i don't let the kids have fun

c. thank goodness i wasn't wearing anything nice

i had to find a happy place as i was hauling the kids out. which is super hard when they are whining and asking question like, "why aren't you strong enough to lift the jeep out too?"

this is going to be on our redneck christmas card:

if only i had been my normal kill-joy parenting self and sent the kids to bed i would have avoided

1. hosing them off in the front yard in front of the entire world.

2. having to explain to my neighbors the screaming(well, this time anyway)

3. explaining to my other neighbor why i needed some help pulling a jeep out of the creek

4. hoping that he will still send his kids over to play with us.

in the end, everyone was fine except for scarlett's extra boogery nose.

happy monster's day

2011-05-09T22:12:00.000-04:00

mother's day has come and gone

it was a memorable one

i enjoy being a mom
my kids and husband are the bomb

scarlett had a mother's day program at her school.

she made mother's day especially memorable this year with her heartfelt sentiments:

my mom is 4 years old (close)

her favorite color is pink (i think she meant black)

her favorite food is carrot and tomatoes (they both rank pretty high)her favorite thing to watch on tv is marrying (i do enjoy "say yes to the dress")

if i could buy my mom a present i would buy a barbie doll (i'd like the peaches n' cream one)

my favorite thing to do with my mom is play (safe answer)

what does my mom look like? a monster (awesome, parenting through fear is working)

and we went to a fun park to commemorate how much fun parenting is.

for my mama:

31

2011-05-02T13:37:00.000-04:00

the week i turned 31:

on thursday, the day of my momentous birth i got up at 5:45 to fit in two workouts. i am always trying to pack too many activities on my birthday, as if this is the year i will be super organized and i will shuffle off my coil of sloth and procrastination. so, while i did work out twice, i was super tired all day too. and i did eat twice as much ice cream and brownies too. because i am 31 and i am the master of my own destiny.

my favorite picture of the day:

i did get some high brow reading out of the way too.

my birthday coincided with the nfl draft. reagan showed our aj green support(he was the #4 pick) on nfl draft day. i'm such a wonderful, selfless wife that thomas and i actually watched the draft live on thursday night. on MY birthday. how magnanimous of me.

i also spent a lot of time thursday watching the news, contacting alabama friends and trolling tuscaloosanews.com for updates on the aftermath of the tornado that destroyed parts of my beloved adopted hometown of tuscaloosa, alabama.

what's left of hobby lobby and full moon barbeque:

it was heartbreaking to see. the full moon barbeque building that was completely destroyed used to house the poppa's college custard that thomas and i frequented when i was pregnant with reagan. i owe most of my baby weight to their oreo fudge brownie sundae. the krispy kreme that was destroyed was where i sometimes would buy doughnuts for my seminary students. the washington mutual finance office i worked at was a few blocks from the 15th street and macfarland intersection that the tornado tore down. for that reason, it was a very sad birthday.

saturday, thomas surprised me with new wheels. i am the terror of the neighborhood. now i can not only yell at speeding teenagers(and sometimes their parents), i can chase them down on my bike.

and on sunday, this is how we survived stake conference. we sat in the relief society room by ourselves:

it worked. the kids were reverent-ish. we were able to listen to the speakers. apparently sitting by other people is the problem.

and after conference, we ate more cake. i'm not sure what is going on here. but my triple layer red velvet brownie cake was especially delicious.

and then as a special treat, osama bin laden was killed last night. thomas really knows how to go all out.

happy birfday to me.

hello humidity, my old friend

2011-04-27T13:49:00.001-04:00

hello humidity, my old friend

it's time to run in you again.

though it feels like running in a sponge,

you will keep my skin forever young.

april overkill

2011-04-24T21:23:00.000-04:00

apparently april is almost over and i've neglected to record anthing for posterity. the gist: we did a bunch of stuff and went a bunch of places. some of it was fun. some of it wasn't. i cried for both good and bad things. and then we ate some food.

*general conference: i loved it. i was touched so deeply by the words and especially the music. the lyrics to "how firm a foundation" with forever be endeared to me.

*thomas and i both had the opportunity to give a fireside to the young single adults for 2 stakes. it was still only 40 people. my topic was how you never outgrow the message of the for strength of youth pamphlet. thomas spoke on spiritual maturity.

*spring break was rechristened "spring broke" because everything broke down into a wrestling match between these two and the week seemed to last about 17 days.

*i really wanted this last dang goldfish to hurry up and die so that i wouldn't have to clean it's fish bowl again. the irony of that statement is not lost on me. finally! and it conveniently allowed for a great family home evening lesson on the resurrection.

*i bought these travel desks at hobby lobby. seems like a minor event but they are incredibly helpful.

*we played at the park a LOT.

*thomas and i went salsa dancing at a real live club with real live velvet ropes. (and yes i did love taking pictures on the red carpet.)

i wasn't supposed to be taking pictures in the VIP area.

this is the man who told me to get out of there:

thomas explaining to me the logistics of dance:

*easter morning these two redneck lookin' kids showed up for an egg hunt:

i don't really have words for this. it says so much. attitude. style. my favorite t shirt.

*i also spent a lot of time explaining to scarlett why it's okay to collect caterpillars in a jar, but not slugs.

the end.

place your bets

2011-03-31T21:44:00.000-04:00

how long with these fish live?

a. 48 hours

b. every minute is a gift

c. as long as they can absorb ink, pennies and cookie crumbs?

families can be together forever if you're not careful

2011-03-28T22:30:00.000-04:00

our ward had it's family temple day on saturday. we are blessed that we have a temple nearby. it only required 2 juice boxes, 2 lunchables(the pizza kind-so DUMB in the car. SO DUMB), 2 pieces of candy per child(the EXACT same kind for each), 2 leapsters, 3 charlie and lola books and a roll of paper towels.

we left the dvd player at home because we were going to enjoy one another's company dangit and the trip isn't that far. i don't know if i'll say that ever again because i was the one sitting backwards reading charlie and lola books over and over and holding the books just so so that each kidlet was alotted exactly the same page viewing space as the other. cue the music: "pioneer children sang as they walked and walked and walked and walked." so in reality, we don't have it bad at all.

our beautiful temple in south carolina:

and this is when my dad would say, "families can be together forever, if you're not careful". pause for laughter. hahahahahaha

and when we told scarlett we were all going to the temple together, she started to cry, "but i don't want to get married!" at least i know she is listening occasionally during family home evening. and then we went to the church bookstore and the first thing that scarlett showed interest in was a wicked king noah figurine. awesome. 2 for 2!

it was a lovely event. we toured the temple grounds and the kids got to sit in the waiting room and we learned about the importance of families and temples and being together forever. after the car ride i needed the refresher course.

when we finally arrived home:

scarlett dead to the world wearing reagan's old cast off underwear. classy.

a pirate's life for me

2011-03-20T22:09:00.000-04:00

reagan really wanted an ooh and aah themed birthday. but, disney pulled the plug on ooh and aah a few weeks ago and my one-woman campaign to bring them back has gone unheeded. reagan had to settle for an ooh and ahh cake and a couple of inflatable monkeys. he's learning at 6 how cruel the world can be. i tried to convince him that monkeys and pirates go hand in hand.

mothers...

...and daughters.

"Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates."

–Life on the Mississippi

the details of the party will underwhelm you. put your notepads away. there was nothing martha stewart about this shindig. i didn't even use my glue gun. that is how i roll. i did make a rather elaborate birthday sign complete with authentic pirate map crinkling and burnouts that immediately ripped in half upon hanging. i learned my lesson and i will never try to do anything again. also of note: glue gun for sale. cheap.

BUT we did have a few activities planned.

we engaged in sword play. we should have had everyone sign a release.

we did a treasure hunt.

we beat a pinata suspended by an extension cord. you won't find that classy tip on any party planning website.

we learned about scurvy and embraced our inner pirate.

we rode a train and made many promises to scarlett about her birthday party that hopefully she will forget.

reagan was pretty pleased. and that is what i was hoping for.

the worst party of a party is the sugar crash...

the best part of a party is that breakfast, lunch and dinner are ready for the next 24 hours.

the good wife's guide

2011-03-17T11:38:00.001-04:00

thomas showed this to me. he knows how stressed out i have been the last few weeks(months, years) and wanted to give me a few suggestions on what i can do to improve as a wife and mother. you may find it helpful and reassuring too.
thomas is always so thoughtful to me.

*i checked this out on snopes and this guide was never actually published in 1955

which is your favorite suggestion? mine is, "a good wife knows her place". followed
by "be a little gay and a little more interesting". sometimes i need a reminder to quit being so straight and boring. and OF COURSE, "take 15 minutes to rest so that you'll be fresh when he arrives". a perfect suggestion. i am constantly looking for more things to do to fill my vast amounts of free time. i don't even know why i have so many of my thoughts and opinions on the blog, since "his
topics of conversation are more important than mine." i am constantly just waiting for further orders from thomas on what to do next.

i have a few of my own suggestions(not that i'm that great, just realistic):
a realistic wife knows that her place is in the backyard playing with the kids instead of putting a ribbon in her hair.

a realistic wife will expand her kids vocabulary. "crapius maximus"-when the flying disk lands on the roof.

a realistic wife hopes that her kids make it through the activity with more squeals than screams.

a realistic wife will ignore possible injury to precious ankles by teaching the kids how to jump off the pavers stones in sync with the camera timer.

and then a realistic wife will slave over a delicious birthday dinner of toy story macaroni and cheese and canned peaches, and the kids will open birthday presents.

the great thing about reagan is that he is excited for everything. even clothes. he is his mother's child. he even let scarlett open a bunch of his presents.

then the realistic wife will put her kids to bed and then lay on the couch and watch netflix shows until she falls asleep at 915. then she will grab a load of laundry to fold, only because they all need clean underwear in the morning and that's really the only way she can stay awake.

i saw a delorean and now i can die

2011-02-27T22:19:00.001-05:00

we left for california at 8am eastern standard time. after driving about 10 minutes scarlett announces that she needs to go to the bathroom. that was an omen for the rest of the day.

poor reagan woke up sick:

scarlett woke up crazy:

we drove 2 hours to the charlotte airport
we took a 2 hour flight to memphis
there was a 1 hour layover with $12 in cinnabon and burger king(it would have been cheaper to go ahead and throw up in my mouth than buy junk food)
then a 4 1/2 hour flight to los angeles
an additional 1 hour trying to find my poor, indecipherable shuttle driver; i was on level 2, he was on level 1
finally, 2 hours to anaheim
i was in bed by 830pm california time
can i get an amen?
there was a point when i didn't think i was going to make it. i was tempted to fall down on the side of the road and let birds peck my eyes out. we were nearly to anaheim when the shuttle bus broke down on the highway. it was just the kids and me and the driver. i generally try to keep my demands in my prayers to a minimum. i am already greatly blessed. but at that moment and after the day i had experienced with my ears clogged from the flight and my jaw locked up from gum chewing so that my ears wouldn't explode with pain on the flight, plus my dead cell phone battery, i needed a miracle right then and there. i would have cried(more regular problem remedy) but i was too dehydrated to produce tears. i prayed for help to get our van moving. not a minute later a department of transportation truck stopped and filled up our gas tank, enough to get us to a gas station just a few miles from our rental house. praise the Lord, miracles still happen everyday.

it was refreshing to be with my elegant and refined siblings.

we tooled around orange county in a gigantic van. we definitely blended. no one would have guessed this automotive monstrosity transported people from 6 different states, south carolina, missouri, north dakota, utah, idaho and nevada.

action shot, scary but adorable.

scarlett expressed her usual distate for costumed characters, but reagan pushed forward with uncharacteristic aplomb. but there should definitely be a rule that if you waited in line for 30 minutes to get your picture taken with woody and you are the next person in line and woody leaves the second jesse shows up, the kids in line receive a gigantic cookie and the moms who waited and cajoled that entire time receive a louis vuitton bag. i only believe in doing what is just for moms and kids everywhere.

and for realz, how cute is this little boy?

any post with uncle bonecrusher in it, i ask this question: why is this man still single?

our buffet dinner, reagan immediately checked out. he takes after his mother in the "let's fall asleep anywhere" department.

on the sabbath we greatly appreciated the beautiful weather and the orange tree growing in the backyard. that just seems too surreal to me. if only we could have a tree in the backyard that produced cheese grits, then we'd be cooking with gas.

the newport beach temple was glorious, the weather fantastic, the company incomparable.

i must say that sunday was the day that i missed my dad the most. church and our family picnic seemed odd without him. there was no one there who could adequately quiz us on the message from church and early church history trivia.

the beach started out great.

but then deteriorated quickly...

and went completely downhill from there:

and something creepy:
2 men and a baby.

they kill me. they fight about inconsequential things all day and then fall asleep like this:

and i really did see a delorean driving down the highway. it was pretty beat up but it still resembled the best thing to come out of 1985. that and the 1985 world series champions, the kansas city royals.

enjoy to the end

2011-02-07T22:06:00.001-05:00

last week in sunday school, the teacher made the comment that sometimes life in life you just have to endure to the end. that's true. but one thing that i have learned in the past year is that it is possible to endure to the end and enjoy it. not an earth-shattering concept, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. though i think the past year has been ridiculously hard on me and my little family, we still we able to enjoy so many little things. and i guess that's my testimony of enjoying to the end. it's possible. lots of things have changed in the past year(states, jobs, callings, family dynamics) while lots of things have stayed the same(thomas' truck, meatball, gospel truths, the fact that i still can't wax my eyebrows without taking off at least half and then having to redraw them back on like i'm somebody's grandma ).

scarlett- loves to carry around nacho, our wooden bulldog mascot. has an affinity for pink and princesses, even with everything that i do to discourage it. likes to have strawberries, blueberries and yogurt for breakfast, just like daddy. has her own room, but sleeps in reagan's room on the bottom bunk. starts most sentences with "actually, i think...".

reagan- likes to turn family home evening lessons around on me,

"mom, what bad word starts with f?"

FART!

"mom, what bad word rhymes with scoop?"

POOP!

or after we learned how to say no to drugs,

"mom, i like to eat drugs!"

"i love beer!"

glad to know my efforts have not gone unheeded.

this is how most of the roller skating went:

thomas- works a lot, which we are grateful for. he coaches the deacon's basketball team for our ward at church. we survived national signing day and he's wondering what he will do for the next 6 1/2 months until football season starts again. he thinks that we may hire someone to mow our lawn this summer. suburbia rocks.

me- my hate/hate relationship with "laundry" and her horrible little sister "ironing" is ever thriving. i don't hate the carpool line as much as i used to(i AM completely disturbed by the mother who drives the SUV with the GIGANTIC playboy sticker taking up half the back glass. and her sexy b*tch license plate is way classy too. i hope she's reagan's room mother.) i find myself watching the bachelor, on purpose. best comedy on tv. i try and incorporate the phrases, "this is a journey we are taking together is getting so real" or "i definitely have a connection with you" whenever i am talking to people that i have only known for a few weeks.

we are happy. we like cheese sticks and pudding cups for dinner. we look forward to the next year.

hallelujah! i love him so

2011-01-21T21:28:00.000-05:00

i've made a ton of mistakes in my life. in fact, i choose the wrong a lot. lucky for me, i chose to marry thomas. that was one of the best decisions i've ever made. my dad made it pretty clear from the first time he met thomas that i was to "not mess this up."

at our wedding luncheon(one of the other really good decisions i've ever made was to have our wedding luncheon before we got married. we all had nice full tummies at the temple.)

coming out of the temple(with full stomachs)

“There seems to be a superstition among many thousands of our young [men and women] who hold hands and smooch in the drive-ins that marriage is a cottage surrounded by perpetual hollyhocks to which a perpetually young and handsome husband comes home to a perpetually young and [beautiful] wife. When the hollyhocks wither and boredom and bills appear the divorce courts are jammed. …

“Anyone who imagines that bliss [in marriage] is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed.

“[The fact is] most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. …

“Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed.

“The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride” Jenkins Lloyd Jones

mutual toleration has been key for our marriage. just this past christmas thomas suggested that he get me a "flatulence blanket" implying that i have some sort of problem. it took a lot of toleration to not smack him in the face. at the same time, i know he tolerates plenty of well-intended but annoying things i do. i'm sure there is a list somewhere. i've never seen it.

and then we have our super-in-love times too. this is one of my favorite pictures. thomas and i both got as sick as chihuahuas during a trip to mexico. i was about 13 weeks pregnant with scarlett and montezuma had gotten his revenge on me(best diet of my life). poor thomas had gotten pretty sick too. the two of us were pretty pathetic pair. but betweeen bouts of unconciousness and him holding my hair back numerous times a day, i had the best time with him. few things a more romantic that swigs of pepto bismol and watching mexican telenovelas. to paraphrase the immortal words of saint tom cruise, "he completes me."

and this is what i sound like when i sing to thomas:

from this to this

2011-01-13T23:03:00.000-05:00

in a week we went from this:

buzz lightyear biking around our neighborhood skate park.

to this:

thanks to christmas break, snow cancellations and martin luther king holiday, the our district has been out of session for 26 of the last 31 days. AWESOME! the kids couldn't be happier, my naturally good attitude was strained and even thomas had to work from home two days this week. newsflash! there are NO snowplows in south carolina. or there may be A snowplow somewhere, but it was sure as heck nowhere near us. we just had to wait for the sun to melt our little region. just like the pioneers! and we were so depleted of groceries that i even resorted to MAKING my own syrup on the stove. you can start calling thomas, uncle jemima.

and the kids loved playing in the snow. it was baffling. i even threw snow in their mittens and at their necks so they would want to come inside and they still persisted in rolling around.

in other news:

my goal for the last couple of years is to always be ready to run a half-marathon. i told thomas about 2 weeks ago that i was interested in running a half-marathon. on january 8th. even though i had let my training was sketchy. but i persisted and tried to throw in a few long runs in that 2 week period. the most important part of my preparation or non-training was downloading a bunch of new music, none of which popped up on shuffle during the duration of the run. of course. my only goal was to finish and to never stop running. even if it got super ugly. and it did. frozen snot kind of ugly. 25 degrees at the start of the race. i had to run with a jacket on the whole time(which i really loathe) but i finished. and i finished strong. my time was 2:07 something. unfortunately, there was only lemon lime gatorade at the finish line. which is a slap in the face if you ask me. but i placed 3rd in my age group. and if i had stuck around for the awards ceremony, i would have gotten a little trophy. and if i had picked up that little trophy, i would have welded it to the hood of my car and driven around to everyone that i know and i would have parked in their driveways and laid on the horn until everyone would have noticed my little trophy. instead, the whole fam damily and i went to chipotle and got burrito bowls. with no cheese they are only 640 calories. which isn't that great, but i had just run a half-marathon.

i did get a medal. boom.

pardon me, i am embarassing

2010-12-29T09:51:00.000-05:00

i have some issues to work out along the lines of uncontrolled rage. pretty much, my kids need to prepare for a lifetime of embarassment. we had a totally awesome, completely fun day yesterday. we played in the snow, we played with our new christmas toys, we revelled in our awesomeness. by late afternoon we headed out to the street to ride bikes with all the neighbor kids. tons of kids, tons of parents, tons of fun.

however, we have a problem on our street of people driving like maniacs. it drives me crazy(pun totally intended) and the other parents and myself don't hesitate to make our annoyances known to the perpetrators. today was no exception. a bunch of punk teenagers were driving way too fast and swerving all over our road where our kids were playing. a neighbor dad flagged the car down and commenced telling them to slow down. i was a rational bystander until this point. then the future petty criminal responded to neighbor dad with denials of his speeding offensess and proceeded to drop a big fat F bomb. and that is where i snap. i'm probably the last person left on the planet who gets mortally offended by foul language but i can't help it. this kid was yelling at US and was wearing a greasy bandana on his head. only bret michaels can wear a greasy bandana and get away with it. so at this point i am in this kid's face yelling(read: screeching) like it's my job about him killing my kids and him being sent to jail for manslaughter and me visiting him everyday for the rest of his life just to make him miserable. allegedly. it actually gets a little hazy for me at this point. i was in the zone. i'm not even sure if my feet were still on the ground. sadly, i would still be yelling if he hadn't driven away.

at this point i turn around and all the other parents are silent. and i realize how crazy i look. especially to my nice, classy German neighbors. i am sure i wasn't dispelling any rude american stereotypes. "hi, i'm a mormon! do you want to know more?" it's getting close to dinner time and our little group starts to break up(i'm sure it's completely unrelated to my outburst). i shuffle off home with the kids but my heart rate is racing. i can barely make dinner because my hands are shaking so much. luckily, our chicken needed a good pounding before baking though all of the chicken stabbing was most likely unneccesary. to top it off, scarlett is watching ni hao, kai-lan while i am cooking and it's all about using our words properly and staying in control. lead by example, i always say.

so, one of my new year's resolutions is to reserve yelling for family members only. because no one wants to be around a lunatic.

the author masquerading as a mild-mannered mother:

happy new year!

dixieland delight

2010-12-26T22:05:00.001-05:00

because of our neverending flu battle, my 25 days of christmas had to condensed and edited. which is a crying in the night shame because i was REALLY trying to create some great memories. i was able to eek out a few more christmas-y activities before the big day, but some days it was a bit of a stretch.

-picked out new ornaments for our tree
-watched it's a wonderful life
-watched the family man(my fave to watch with thomas, proof it's possible for new jersey to be romantical)
-watched christmas vacation(not my favorite)
-hid thomas' present in various locations around the house
-coached the kids to tell thomas that he was getting new shoes for christmas(though he wasn't. sneaky sneaky)
- drove to georgia without a single throwing up incident
- made red velvet pancakes(like heaven for breakfast)
- went running on christmas morning to break in my new sneaks. it was so fun to run and see what other families were doing on christmas morning
- played family football with thomas' dad.
- braved the mall on christmas eve eve

and just enjoyed being together as a family. which is always the best part. we especially enjoyed pretending to be farmers at thomas' mom's house. but cows really stink.

*bright eyed and bushy tailed.

*red velvet cake on christmas morning. not to be confused with red velvet pancakes the weekend before.

*FINALLY! i can stop hearing about the zhu zhu pet pizza shop.

*winter in southern georgia. we narrowly missed the snowstorm in south carolina.

*scarlett actually told me that morning that my prickly legs were hurting her when she brushed up against me. lucky thomas.

*barnyard couture

merry christmas

a multiple choice question

2010-12-19T21:51:00.000-05:00

the past week in our household:
a- was filled with bellies shaking like bowls full of jelly, hot chocolate guzzling and glue-gunning, craft-making and school parties.
b- included non-stop caroling, hall decking with boughs of holly, and merriment with sugar plums dancing in our heads and a much anticipated ugly sweater party.
c- involved more loads of laundry than you can imagine, bulk purchases of febreeze, oxyclean and tamiflu, a visit to the doctor, a 104 degree temperature, and vomit. glorious, plentiful vomit. most notable would be the episode that involved a small female child's vomit gracing my person from neck to knees requiring a blistering hot shower. in bleach.
d- just pick c.

still stumped? according to the rules of test-taking, when in doubt always pick c.

25 days of Christmas, days 1-12

2010-12-12T21:01:00.001-05:00

since both my kids "get" Christmas, this year i've made it my goal do something Christmas-y everyday of december. we've listened to Christmas music non-stop in the car. by dec. 3 i had just about had my fill of jingle bell rock. also, we've just about figured out the kind of behavior that santa claus would approve of. i'm hoping to instill some experiences in their little minds so they would at least have a few good memories in between all the yelling. and moving state to state.

dec. 1- watched rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. because it's pretty much THE greatest Christmas cinematic achievement in drama, music and claymation.

dec. 2- baked gingerbread cookies. even though gingerbread is kind of gross.

dec. 3- enjoyed downtown Christmas lights. and ate pizza.

dec. 4- went to chuck e. cheese for lunch and then picked out our Christmas tree. from the luxurious lowe's parking lot.

dec. 5- decorated Christmas tree while listening to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing Handel's Messiah. and finally put the kid's pictures in the little picture frame ornaments that had been hanging empty on the tree the last two years. tree

dec. 6- had a family home evening lesson on Christ's birth with the nativity set and then watched animated nativity videos on youtube. and i cried. i'm so emotional when it comes to teaching the kids about Christ.

dec. 7- cut out snowflakes. all two of them. then colored our little hearts out on other non-Christmas related projects.

dec. 8- made fudge. ate fudge. unbuttoned pants.

dec. 9- visited santa at the mall. wiped up a bloody nose. wanted to shove a little kid(and his mom) who made a big deal about scarlett's bloody nose and embarassed her and made her cry.

dec. 10- made Christmas lists by cutting out pictures from catalogs.

dec. 11- attended ward Christmas party. and enjoyed a robust meal of 3 big bites of turkey and salad i ate with a spoon. there's always plenty of food at a ward activity.

dec. 12- made cookies to deliver to our friends. who ended up not being home. so we ate them ourselves.

mucho de nada

2010-11-30T21:58:00.002-05:00

a few more thanksgiving thankfuls

1. thankful for my aunt susan for hosting my little family for dinner. sorry britney spears, i have a new motherhood muse. i was so inspired by her organized house, well-behaved children, delicious food and spiritual atmosphere that i am definitely rethinking a few things. like perhaps piles of junk really isn't a decorating statement.

2. thankful for running a 5k with my cousin cami, who has mastered adorable at 15. at 15, i had mastered awkward and frizzy.
plus, only one of us threw up during the race.

3. thankful that people still wanted to eat my atrocious red brownie velvet cake. it's hard to impress people when your signature dessert looks like a hot mess:

4. thankful that dirty ron's serves bacon on their breakfast menu. i'm more of a dry hot cake girl myself.

but we've got a couple of bacon fans.

5. thankful for lovely saturday weather, public parks, paved running trails and signs that point you the right direction when you run aimlessly and get lost. and who could forget to be thankful for a foot that keeps falling asleep while running after i thought i had finally resolved that problem. (not really thankful for that last part.)

6. thankful for our ugly gingerbread house tradition. and thankful that at least one of our football teams won their rivalry game. i have no more words about that.

7. thankful for nice kids who get along and quietly play computer games while i roll back and forth on the floor stewing and pouting about the alabama/auburn game. and about the complete farce of a blown call during the byu/utah debacle.

more unsolicited advice

2010-11-23T20:07:00.010-05:00

*who looks this good after birth???

i was talking to my brother david last week, who along with his beautiful wife christine, are now parents of an adorable halloween baby, about just how great and amazing the first few weeks of your newborn's life are.

there were a few things that he said that really hit a familiar chord with me.

1. why does everyone insist on giving you advice and then mention that you should only listen to them and that everyone else is wrong?

2. will it get better?

and i had to laugh when he said this. but not in a humor-filled-haha-you-silly-brother kind of way. it was more of a reminiscent-of-those-newborn-day-memories-that-are-still-too-fresh-and-i'm-still-scared-of tiny-babies-maniacal-laugh. if only people would say what those first few weeks are really like: hazing for the parent fraternity. and no matter what, you are initiated in.

if i wrote a handbook about what to expect after what you are expecting has arrived, i would start with a cruel irony. your new baby will be the most helpless when you are the most helpless. you will have days when you think your body, your baby and the rest of the entire uncivilized world(we are talking children afterall) absolutely hate you. if you've never been beaten with a lead pipe from your neck to your knees, you will soon have an indication of what that may feel like.

after you've established that this state of sleepless hysteria is normal, there are a few other things you need to know. it will get better, but it will never ever be the same. you will have to master your own version of crazy. even if you do somehow make it back to your pre-baby weight, your pants will never fit the same. it's like folding a map up after a road trip. you can get it pretty close, but no cigar. some parts will forever have an accordian-like appearance.

and babies and children are really gross. and you will become really gross. and somedays you will be okay with it. occasionally, that heaven-sent pacifier with fall in the dirt. the first few times you will wrap in nicely in a plastic bag or wet wipe and take it home and thoroughly sanitize it. after a while, when this pacifier repeatedly hits the ground, you will start popping it in your own mouth to clean it off. and then after you realize how gross this is, you will start picking up the pacifier off the ground and then waving it around in the air or blowing on it to "breathe-sanitize" it. and then pop it into your baby's mouth. and i can testify that no one ever died from a dirty pacifier.

your personal cleanliness will take on new meaning. a shower a day is like a trip to the showcase showdown on the price is right; not every constestant gets to do it. a shower every couple of days will make you feel like you are really accomplishing something. a shower a week will make you feel a little less grimy. you will have moments when you are getting ready for the day(usually around 3 or 4 in the afternoon) and you can't distinguish where a pungent urine smell is coming from. then you realize that odor is coming from the towel wrapped around YOUR OWN HEAD. this actually happened to me LAST WEEK. but don't worry. all those other moms you see at the grocery store at 1030 at night all feel the same way. and if they say they don't, THEY ARE LYING. and lots of moms lie. about their exercise routine frequency, about their baby's sleep schedule, about their baby's developmental milestones. comparision is not your friend sister.

and the best piece of advice i ever got about parenting, besides pureeing vegetables into cupcakes, was to pray and then pray some more. it works and it refreshes and re-energizes me for the next day. of absolute chaos.

gratitude raditude

2010-11-11T20:43:00.003-05:00

things to be thankful for:

*75 degree days in november. training wheel biking has been great. running has been great. south carolina is beautiful. and nobody has to mow the lawn until spring.
*veteran's day. it's one of my favorite holidays in existence. even without presents. but i have no objections to incorporating gift giving into remembering and honoring our veterans.

*phineas and ferb. most kids shows are strictly learning or strictly lame. sometimes both. the kids love phineas and ferb and i always find myself laughing at professor doofenshmirtz. i love a good subtle pop culture reference mixed with inane hilarity.

*my sense of humor. if weren't laughing all the time, i would probably being crying all the time. those are my two main settings.

*great kids who still love me, even when i am the queen of nightmares. inability to deal with messes and clutter and whining is my 3rd setting.

*functioning vehicles. however, by mentioning that i am grateful for their ability to operate properly, i am jinxing myself. this is where my sense of humor comes into play.

things i don't want to forget

2010-10-31T20:32:00.012-04:00

SATURDAY! we went to a farm/pumpkin patchery/corn maze. we used porta-potties. and got high on hand sanitizer.
reagan dressed himself for the outing. i don't want to stifle and creative processes. it's a little "mondo" if you ask me.

the kids were fascinated by this little pig. i think they named him schumpy. (we've also had a fish named schumpy. i think it's a family name.) i was overpowered by the little sausage's foul scent. there was no love lost between us.

reagan was the catalyst for the maze visit. he went on a field trip and begged to go again.

the rest of us were less impressed. it just reconfirmed to me what i already knew from my years in college: i would rather eat corn than get lost in it.

and then scarlett entertained us with her "binastics". she's a natural.

MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY! i spent every free minute sewing scarlett's halloween costume. i skipped workouts. i bargained with myself. if i got through the zipper i could go to the bathroom. if i finished the hem i could get a drink. i was hard core. i became personally acquainted with my seam ripper like never before. and then she REFUSED to wear it. REFUSED! she wanted to be a princess(which i have issues with but that's another post for another day) and i wanted her to be scarlett o'hara like in years past. it was a battle of iron wills. i had hoped i could at least wield a little more control of her halloween decisions for a few more years, but i was wrong. so wrong. and now my world is completely falling apart.

scarlett decided to be completely unreasonable and get all sick and fussy and not wear ANY kind of costume, princess or not, at our church halloween party.

so scarlett and i went home after about 20 minutes of no fun and crybabying and i pouted and crybabied and watched degrassi: the next generation until the boys got home.

sulking is sometimes the best medicine. i highly recommend it. in full flapper make-up and fishnets.

THURSDAY! my mom flew into town for a fun halloweekend.

the weather was perfect and fun was had by all.

***click on this picture!

my favorite part of our nature walk was scarlett losing her cool with her stroller and her baby flying out and skidding in the dirt toward the water. because who has been there? don't be ashamed.

i had to teach the kidlets the finer parts of local duck and goose behavior management. when they get too close and nip your fingers, you've got to give them a little of their own action.

FRIDAY and SATURDAY! grandma and the kidlets and me all piled in the car and took a short trip to north carolina to visit my uncle sherman and familia. unfortunately, the only picture we took was of this giant peach in gaffney, south carolina. but it's pretty cool if you love giant peaches.

SUNDAY! we took family pictures after church. this is an outtake. they were about 99% outtakes. but my shoes look killer. there was lots and lots of staring into the sun, and the shade not cooperating and booger picking and weird-looking, borderline inappropriate hand gestures. so we get to try again. which is awesome! because only one out of the four people in the picture loves getting her picture taken.

and then afterward, we sadly had to take grandma back to the airport. some of us took it better than others.

scarlett and a bucket full of nerds. which also describes my college dating track record! cha-ching!

reagan was more than a little torn up about it. he tried to block the front door and announced that he was done living with us and was moving back to missouri. and part of me silently agreed.

happy halloweiner!

mischief managed

2010-10-27T09:31:00.000-04:00

when left to her own devices, scarlett is usually brewing trouble. sometimes i try and sneak up on her to catch her in the act. i was hiding on the stairs and spied this scene:

scarlett sneaking into thomas' office.

i cracked open the door and i happened upon this:

scarlett reading a talking cliff clavin greeting card:

i got this card as a freebee in a running swag bag. it has provided hours of entertainment. scarlett can repeat it verbatim:

cliff- "when the british ruled the punjab, they drank steaming hot pots of tea on the hottest days of the year to balance out their inside and outside body temperatures. see, drinking an ice cold drink on a cold drink actually results in a more comfortable body temperature."
diane- "so why do you drink cold beer on a hot day?"
cliff- "what else are you going to do with it?"
HAHAHAHAHAHA(laugh track)

the funniest part is when she laughs along with the laugh track. hahahahaha with a breathy old man voice.

reading her big, ugly baby to sleep.

which is the really funny part. scarlett is such a gentle, maternal little mama. i am baffled about where she gets it. she gets really upset if i toss her baby around or drop her on her head.

your move, martha

2010-10-24T22:30:00.001-04:00

on occasion i've been known to shuffle off my witchy wet blanket coil and muster up some fun for the kids. it's a nice break from all the yelling and screaming. sometimes our house is not too far removed from a latin american game show. i wish i could claim that we are all screaming for ice cream. (but deep down isn't that what we are all screaming for?)

i am pretty much terrible at all crafts and things of a "making/creative nature". and if we are being honest, i struggle with a good portion of domesticity. except for ironing, i'm pretty darn good at ironing. and pre-heating. did you know i have a degree in home economics? and 4 years of french, c'est vrai. i digress. i am forced to enchant my children with mostly nearly already completed store bought crafts. like this gem of a haunted halloween house. it's become our $9 halloween commercialized tradition.
i thoroughly studied the directions before embarking on this venture(searching in vain for the toxic lead product caution), and i still screwed up the frosting measurements. so my countertops and forearms are stained orange and purple. which isn't half bad, if you like the internal bleeding kind of look.

when i was finally stopped messing it up all by myself, i allowed the kids to take a crack at it. no animals were injured in the making of this unsightly craft. but more than 5 dish towels bravely sacrificed themselves in the clean up.

ignorance is bliss when you are young. somedays these kids are going to go to a hobby lobby or a michaels and see that knick knacks don't have to look like they fell off the back of a turnip truck. but until that day, it's your move, martha!

of heros and brownies

2010-10-13T22:48:00.005-04:00

my mom would make brownies for us everyday to enjoy when we got home from school. and i am grateful for that. not just for the brownies, but the efforts my mother made to make sure that our home was a haven from the world. my mom didn't have tons of time to be baking for a bunch of obnoxious kids. she made time for it. she made her kids her priority. she is my hero.

my grandmother was born in a log cabin in meadow, utah in 1927. her family were sheep farmers and they lost everything in the great depression. she has worked all her life. she and my grandfather raised 7 children. all of those children were well educated and learned about the gospel of Jesus Christ. she gave me my first sewing lessons and she made my baptism dress. she let me pick all the best flowers out of her garden. she doesn't have to tell me for me to know that i am her favorite grandchild. my grandmother is also my hero.

a couple of weeks ago a friend of ours from our tuscaloosa days was killed in afghanistan while serving in the USAF as a combat controller. i would venture to say that a combat controller is the air force equivalent to a navy seal or a green beret. the news of mark forester's death hit me like a ton of bricks. there have been few days since we received the news that i haven't shed tears for his loss of life. however, i have felt peace and i have felt a renewed sense of determination to live my life the way God wants me to because of mark's example. mark was a really fantastic guy who was dedicated to doing what God wanted him to do. in reading the account of mark's death, the words that impacted me the most were that mark died while fighting. it seems like an obvious phrase, considering that afghanistan is a war zone and mark was a soldier. but to me it says so much more. it's how i want to be and it's how i want to go. i want to live a life engaged in a cause that means something. i want to promote happy families. i want my children armed with the knowledge that they are special and loved and that our Heavenly Father is mindful of them. i want them to take those lessons to those around them who don't know those important and vital truths. i want the scriptures to be pried from my cold fingers. i want people to know that i promote modesty. i want to have each day filled with honest work. and honest play. yesterday i was thinking about my role as a woman and a mother and i had an epiphany. i am the adversary's greatest enemy. as a woman and a mother i have such power to influence others. my job is not to be taken lightly for those children are depending on me to teach them correctly.

while mark's death is a true tragedy, he is an incredible example of giving our all for others. i can teach my children about true heroism and that it has nothing to do with professional sports or musicians or politicians or wealth. and it has everything to do with service and selflessness and love.
my strength may not be in soldiering or combat in a far off place. i know it's not those things. but i do know that what i am doing is important. that each pan of brownies i make means something. that i can make a difference.

i am the happiest mom in the whole entire world exclamation point!

2010-09-25T23:51:00.003-04:00

the greatest thing ever has happened.
after much pain, crying and agony,
after much begging and practice and rejection,
after more than 3 years of trying,
scarlett has allowed me to put something in her hair.

my joy is nearly indescribable. i took about a bajillion pictures. she hated it. i loved it. our teenager experience together is looking bright!

she kept her piggie tails(or her headpigs, as she called them) in ALL night. even during a windy trolley ride all through downtown. with a crazy lady sitting behind us. (someone may or may not have told her that she wouldn't be allowed to ride the trolley without pigtails in her hair.)
the men folk also had a carefree haircare trolley ride.

plus, we are on the final countdown with the boot. it's been a good and smelly friend. and we just figured out that it is possible to ride a bike with it on. very very slowly.

in other news, we have a bowl with a dead fish in it. we all love it. it just adds a little "je ne sais quoi" to the ambience of our home. scarlett tries to wake the poor thing up with her recorder. she is so helpful. ps- everyone should have a 3 year old and a recorder. it's awesome. and really quiet. and soothing. dulcet, harmonious tones. all the time. makes everything quiet and lovely. and quiet.

i have my moments

2010-09-19T20:25:00.004-04:00

i thought having reagan in all day kindergarten and scarlett is pre-school twice a week would afford me more time to get things done. but it really hasn't. it's just another one of parenthood's cruel tricks. it's like when you thought that after your first baby was born and you quit your job that you would finally be able to get some stuff around the house. or that potty training would save you some money but the extra money actually goes to more toilet paper because someone is always using half the roll for their personal paperwork. OR, my personal fave, those favorite jeans that you couldn't wait to wear again post-partum? even when they zip up, they will never, EVER, ever look the same. having more time once your kids are in school is sort of like that, falsehoods, pipe dreams, myths.
not that it's all pickup lines and lunch packing. i do have my moments. wal*mart is still my personal hell, but it is nice to walk the aisles without my little buddies loudly questioning whether each person we pass has a wee wee or lady parts. or not having to deal with the tap dance of doom that precipitates the last minute run across the store to the potty. i only have to worry about myself getting across the store(but with my mom-bladder sometimes is it close). alone time at wal*mart has taken some getting used to. the only people who bother me now are the employees. sometimes i feel the need to act out and touch every banana on the shelf. or lick the bathroom wall. or announce to anyone within ear shot that i have cupcakes on my underpants. but i'm beginning to get used to it. and some days i even miss those kids.

the week that was

2010-08-29T16:09:00.006-04:00

SUNDAY- reagan and thomas spent the morning in the ER. reagan had been jumping off of a bed the previous night and landed funny on his foot. requisite wailing and gnashing of teeth ensued. the foot looked bad, real bad michael jackson. the ER doc said that the x-ray was inconclusive and that reagan just needed a splint and to stay off of it for a week and a follow up appointment with an orthopedist on thursday. that also meant missing a week of schoool. reagan's response? "but i just hafta still play."

TUESDAY-scarlett's first day of pre-school EVER. i got up early to run and i came home sick as a dog. i needed to go outside and eat some grass. it was that bad. and as a result, i could hardly move and i let scarlett sleep until 815. her pre-school starts at 830. and she needed a bath. i finally pulled it together and scarlett got a bath and i got a bath(after two attempts). i sheepishly walked her into school at a few minutes after 9. and i did NOT appreciate the stink eye that her teacher gave to me. she is lucky to have scarlett in her class.
but because we were so late, all i had time for were these weak first day of school photos:

running into school:
a quick pause at the fish tank:

pick up. she was done with the photo taking.
WEDNESDAY- i spent a good deal of the day reading mockingjay. thomas had surprised me with a copy after i had spent way too much time searching for it around town. and thanks to the walmart employees who questioned me for looking for a book called "monkeyjaw". seriously. they had never heard of mockingjay.
i tried to pace myselfwhilst reading it so that everything else in my life wouldn't go to pot(unlike every other day of the week). in interest of spoilers, all i will say about the book is: team gale forever.

THURSDAY-reagan's appointment with the orthopedist. it was sort of WAY awesome. his office was really swanky with floor to ceiling windows and waterfalls and a paging system like they have at applebee's with the buzzer that lights up. in the waiting room they had 6 gigantic flat screen tvs all showing reruns of burn notice. i wish had a dressed up for the occasion.

the doctor took a quick look at reagan's foot and deemed that his 3rd metatarsal was broken.

next to us there was a kid also being checked out by a doctor. he was screaming so loud that they had to come in and turn the volume up on the tv in our exam room. the kids kept asking me what was going on outside with all the noise. i told them that there was a puppy dog in the next room trying to get out and run outside. i don't know if that explanation helped or hurt.

and poor scarlett thought her turn was next.

SATURDAY-i got up and ran and it was a success. slow and steady. and then thomas suggested that we head on down to georgia to the outlet mall and see what wares were for sale. something seemed fishy about that exchange but i didn't dare ask because i am not one to turn down a day of shopping. about 20 minutes out of town the truth came out. we were definitely heading to the outlet mall but first we would be stopping to pick up some new georgia gear for the upcoming football season. and then i would get to shop. seems like a fair enough deal.

reagan and thomas should be adequately outfitted for at least 4 months.

SUNDAY-thomas and i both received new callings to serve in at church. thomas was called as 2nd counselor in the young men's organization and i was called as the laurel's advisor in the young women's organization. and i am totally excited. i still haven't gotten over the fact that i am not 16 anymore. this calling is perfect.

sunday afternoon has been filled with playing in our disaster area of a playroom. a fantastic mess means a fantastic time. reagan and thomas played football on reagan's new georgia football rug and scarlett does what scarlett does and she does it with no pants on.

ps-is it a bad sign that we have moved too much that one of the kid's favorite things to do is to pack up all their toys in boxes and pretend to be moving?

on a lighter note

2010-08-22T15:12:00.002-04:00

who else is as excited as we are for college football season? autumnal saturdays are like a corporeal general conference on the gridiron. a veritable medley of athletic prowess, strategic enlightenment and old-fashioned suspense.

reagan and thomas have been watching a lot of espn classics, practicing reading plays and boning up on positions and player stats. i happened upon this little father/son interaction last week:

you should know that i live with the football Master with a capital M. no one knows more about football, lives football, breathes football, eats football and loves football more than thomas. perhaps bear bryant himself would be the exception, but it would be a closey.

and watching a game with thomas is unreal. i have a few suggested behaviors:

1. don't talk during key moments. show viewing awareness.

2. don't ask dumb questions. i know this from experience.

3. carefully plan bathroom breaks.

4. don't be flippant if thomas' team is not playing their best. if you want to joke, you should probably just leave the house.

5. don't cheer for florida. not even jokingly.

6. if you like a team, you better be able to back it up. don't be trendy.

7. sit on the victory blanket. we have one for BYU and one for georgia. and they work. modern day relics.

8. don't check your messages if you are watching a recorded game that everyone else already knows the score to. it's really hard to finish watching a game and pretending you don't already know the outcome.

plus, living in south carolina has opened several new football worshiping avenues. having steve spurrier coaching the gamecocks of south carolina(plus) and clemson university(minus) only a few miles up the road makes saturdays in the south cackalacki almost as lovely as being back in the college football capital of the universe tuscaloosa, alabama.

thomas used to write a weekly college football newsletter. i would like to see him resurrect it. if you would like to see him resurrect his newletter also, please bombard him with requests on facebook. i think it would only take 2 or 3 requests for him to be swayed.

i feel pretty good about this year.

wordless wednesday

2010-08-18T22:33:00.004-04:00

beef jerky picnic

2010-08-16T21:31:00.005-04:00

first day of kindergarten ever for reagan. the first day of 18 years of a cruel trick. it was hard to be excited to send reagan to school because he really is a nice, easy kid. i cried upon drop off but otherwise it was a good clean break.

the final walk...

so presh that i could eat a stuffed animal.

adios. like he didn't even need me.

one thing that was chancey was what reagan was going to look like as he left for school. we had a lot of this glasses/villain moustache/laser arms look this past weekend:

a closey.

and then after i dropped reagan off, i asked scarlett what she wanted to do for fun today and she said "a beef jerky picnic."

and so we did.

bloom where you are planted

2010-08-10T21:46:00.007-04:00

things that are hard about this most recent move:

1. eating fast food. for every meal. it's like coating your intestines in crisco.

2. not being able to find important things, like a plunger or zurg or underwear.

3. finding how to get home.

4. finding new running trails and adapting to a new YMCA.

5. acclimating to a new pollen count.

6. stumbling around our the new house in the dark in the middle of the night.

7. registering. for school. for voting, for driving. for exercising. for breathing.

8. east coast time zone. it is killing us. that one hour makes all the difference in the world.

things that are easy about our most recent move:

1. going to church. it's always the same wherever we have lived. the same spirit, the same doctrine, the same wonderfulness.

2. the blank slate. no one knows you and you can be whoever you want to be. also, i haven't put my foot in my mouth yet. but it is only a matter of time...

3. family time. we have a lot of it because we don't know anyone yet. a bittersweet perk.

4. everthing is a new experience. just being in our new house and new backyard and our new town is exciting for the kids.

and whenever i get sad about leaving friends and family and familiar surroundings for new experiences and adventures, i like to think of this quote,

"...whatever circumstances you live in, whatever your background or challenges might be, the gospel light has power and purpose to bring blessings into your life and in the lives of those placed in your path. the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored to bring blessings to our Heavenly Father's children. you are planted in your country, your community, your family to facilitate these blessings. i urge you to bloom where you are planted." elder dieter f. utchdorf.

delicious between buns

2010-07-29T10:29:00.007-04:00

what to do when someone else is doing your packing and moving.

1. wake up earlyish, because it feels a bit like christmas morning.

2. strap on your trusty apron. you can't be seen without it. it gives an air of authority.

3. welcome the packers and give plenty of instructions like you were born to do. it helps if you act like your stuff is WAY more important than it really is. heirlooms bought way back in '03.

4. be available for any packer questions. (read a magazine.)

5. entertain your chillens. (southern for children.)

6. scrub a tub or two. because you are starting to feel a touch unproductive.

7. cheer when they are finished packing the house by noon.

8. load up the whole fam damily for an afternoon of adventure.

9. eat at chik-fil-a. watch the poor teenage employees clean the child play area with a big scrub brush and plastic gloves.

10. guess which body fluid was excreted in the play area and by which child in the chik-fil-a dining room.

11. ride the carousel at the mall. squeal with delight.

12. go see despicable me at the local theater. enjoy it thoroughly, but notice that some of gru's parenting tendencies are things you also do on a regular basis.

13. resolve to no longer parent like an animated super villain.

14. go home. eat cheap pizza. anticipate the fun in store tomorrow when the moving van arrives.

*delicious between buns. a sign at the barbeque restaurant/shack that was just down the road from our house in alabama. i saw it everyday. it's more than advertising, it's a mantra for living.*

red, black and 34

2010-07-25T00:20:00.011-04:00

a while back, i asked my sister what she liked the most about being married.
she replied, "it's so nice to be around someone so loving and kind and nice all the time!"
and i replied, "i agree!"
and then i thought about it, "too bad our husbands got the short end of that stick!"

thomas turned 34 on friday. it was his herschel walker birthday. i tried to pack as much georgia football and red and black into one day.

thomas was pretty specific about his cake. and then pooblix had that GALL to mess up the order and frost the cake with whipped icing, instead of buttercream. whipped frosting is of the devil. whenever thomas and i are in public and there is a cake offering, one of us will do reconnaissance on the cake toppings and send back secret hand signals about cake worthiness. and for his very special cake to have whipped frosting??? it was a travesty, a sham, and a mockery. a travashamockery! (we still ate plenty. but with frowns and much murmuring.)

herschel walker has 2% body fat and is a 5th degree black belt. i'm sure my body fat % also has a 2 in it somewhere. and i own way more than 5 black belts. at one time i also owned almost 60 pairs of shoes. take that herschel.

almost like an album cover for our family band.

for some reason, i am the only one in the family who gets excited about gifts full of clothes. the kids even helped me wrap the clothes and they were disappointed when the packages were opened.

34: hotter than a $2 pistol.

the fun in funeral

2010-07-17T00:17:00.010-04:00

great times were had by all. being in kansas city with my whole family for my dad's funeral was wonderful. i enjoyed the trip immensely. how wonderful to be with my family to celebrate my dad's life! the viewing alone lasted for nearly 5 hours. and i wore heels! i cried plenty, but not about being on my feet that long. but it was more tears of comfort and less tears of sorrow. relief and comfort and humor. my dad would have wanted humor. the outpouring of love from so many people was incredible. i know my entire family was truly touched. and it made me want to record more and more of my little family's life. these memories are too important.

things i want to remember:

1. crushing uncle bonecrusher.

2. best cousins.

3. listening in on conversations between my grandmother and my mother and her siblings about growing up together.

4. baseballing:

5. wonderful friends and family and friends who are practically family, some of whom drove more than 20 hours to be with us.

6. hamming it up with the hams.

7. conversing with sarah. how do i have no pictures of this. and steve, where are you in all my pictures? were you even there?

8. secretly hiding the "secret object" in heather's luggage. she found it once, but i don't think she found it the second time. hopefully it made it back to vegas.

9. spooning in the hotel.

10. funsters who entertained our kids when i sure as heck didn't feel like it.

11. the special musical numbers at the funeral. nothing touches my heart more than musical numbers. especially songs sung by the full-time missionaries of the missouri independence mission.

12. the flex. how i loved the flex we rented. one day we will be together again, flex. just you and me. and the XM radio. you truly were wonderful. i'm a believer now.

all is well, all is well

2010-07-05T22:18:00.009-04:00

my dad passed away yesterday evening after a 5 year battle with cancer. i don't really have words at this time to express my feelings adequately. though i am sad, i feel peace. it is the peace that comes from the gospel of Jesus Christ. i know that families are forever. my dad had an incredible impact on those around him. my dad was very funny. i got my love of trivial facts from him. he was very frugal and avoided debt. he was the most honest person i've ever known. you always knew where he stood and that was on the right side. there was no gray area for him. he loves the Lord and loves missionary work. i know he will be very busy on the Lord's errand now that he is on the other side.
my parents were married in the salt lake temple and because of that i can be with them forever. if you would like to know more about how families can be together forever, click here.

upchuck e cheese

2010-07-01T16:40:00.004-04:00

scarlett has few fears in this world. but there is one thing in particular that puts her in a state.

charles e fromage:

better known as chuck e cheese.

yesterday for lunch we dined with friends at his establishment. i knew scarlett was wary of mr. cheese after his appearance at reagan's birthday party, but i had hope her fears had subsided. the wheels started to fall off the wagon after scarlett spied the chuck e cheese robot that graces the dining area. poor thing could hardly eat. the piece de resistance was when chuck started strolling about, greeting happy patrons. i couldn't get scarlett out of there quick enough. panic set in accompanied by screaming, crying and uncontrollable shaking. we tried to make a quick getaway, but i think the sadistic mr. cheese had it in for us. everywhere i turned, there he was. i'm sure it was a sight to behold because my friend amanda grabbed my camera and started snapping away. i was laughing so hard i was crying and i could hardly see. i'm sure i stepped on more than a few kids in my haste.

*please note my friend tab laughing hysterically at my ordeal.*

she was shaking so badly that i could hardly hold her and she was starting to pull down my pants with her knees.

finally he had us cornered and we just stared each other down until he figured out that we didn't want to hug him. that's what you get when you have a rat as your mascot.

scarlett immediately wet her pants upon getting in the car.

good things come in threes

2010-06-30T09:31:00.006-04:00

1. WE SOLD OUR HOUSE! rather convenient considering we are about to embark on another move. i never lost faith. i knew it would happen.

2. scarlett turned 3!

i was lazy about the cake this year. i would have held the party at costco if i could have. i'll keep that in mind when i am planning scarlett's wedding. plenty of parking. lots of food. everyone loves costco pizza. ample bathrooms and toilet paper and bulk cocktail olives.

family germ sharing(whose idea was it to breathe all over a birthday cake before you serve it to guests???):

opening presents in her fave pajamas. they were also reagan's faves about 2 years ago.

random adorableness during the evening present opening:

and her actual day of birth was spent in fun-gomery, her actual town of birth.

ps- jim n' nick's bbq has incredible lemon icebox pie. WOW. being in public is the only thing that kept me from licking the plate.

i don't think i have ever loved anything this much:

3. i went to the midnight showing of eclipse. because i love functioning on 3 hours of sleep. my parent skillz are heightened when given the challenge of staying up all night. who wouldn't want to be around me? nerves of steel.

it was an extra special event because i was wearing my "nicest" workout pants.

and a few thoughts occured to me whilst watching this movie;

a- is the twilight saga the unspoken language of friendship? is this the first thing i need to mention when i move to south carolina in order to make friends? this had better attendance than a relief society meeting.

b- how can a movie be so terrible yet be so enjoyable? the movie was awful, but the least awful of the three. don't shoot me for saying that. and i CAN'T WAIT for the next one to come out. i was the first person to squeal at the screen. plus, they cut out most of bella's confused-whining-helpless-edward-obsessivness of the book. but i know the teenager on the other side of me did not appreciate me laughing the whole time. but it was hilarious. best comedy of the year! where can i get my commemorative cup?

c- get enough women together in one room and the conversation will inevitably turn to bodily functions; illnesses, trips to cancun(me), giving birth, embarassing moments. perhaps gatrointestinal function(or disfunction) is the true language of friendship?

south cackalacki

2010-06-27T23:03:00.008-04:00

once upon a time there was a girl who loved a boy. and that boy was really smart and ambitious and loved a challenge. and so the girl said she would follow him to the moon.

(don't kissing pictures just make you want to toss your cookies?)

even if that meant moving a TON. but with each move the girl was closer and closer to her dream of owning a land rover. so when a corporate headhunter contacted that boy to offer him his non-football and non-gubernatorial related dream job in south carolina, even though they had just moved a few months earlier to alabama to take a great-but-not-dream job, she trusted him and agreed to move again. but the list of dream items did get longer. and the girl threatened to douse all his clothes with gasoline and light them on fire in the street if she had to lift a finger to pack anything at all. so that boy promised that it would be taken care of.

the new adventure in south carolina begins august 1st.
and these guys are coming too.

stripling moms

2010-06-24T22:56:00.004-04:00

Alma 56:47,48
47 Now they had never fought, yet they did not fear death; and they thought more upon their fathers than they did upon their lives, yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.
48 And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mother's knew it.

in all our many travels our family has been blessed with wonderful friends. i know we have been watched out for from above so that each place we have lived has been home. i have been able to acquaint myself and my children with women who teach their families about the gospel of Jesus Christ and they teach them to live it in all circumstances. it's a wonderful thing to have friends who love righteousness and reinforce the lessons i teach my children at home. tonight during our relief society meeting i was thinking how grateful i am for people who care about me and my family, especially those stripling moms who make an effort to do more and work harder and to give more to their kids, without actually spending any money. especially since they are saving tons of money by couponing till the cows come home.

and then i took pictures of some of those stripling moms.

discussing our love of couponing and klondike bars

"2 for 1 pampers at walgreens? plus $10 back to use toward my next purchase??? couponing rocks my world and makes each day worth living!"

did i mention it is hot?

2010-06-23T21:40:00.002-04:00

reagan has been playing on his first baseball team this summer. it's really hard to enjoy sports when it is a gazillion degrees and a bajillion percent humidity. last night it was 95 at 530. but we try and make do. as long as no one touches me with her sweaty little hands and she stays on her side of the blanket we are fine.

(just scratching that baseball itch)

and sports in the south are intense. i thought reagan would start out on a t-ball team since he just turned 5. but he's on an actual team with cleats and bat bags and batting helmets and the whole nine yards. i was thinking more along the lines of everyone runs around in a jersey and sometimes we sing songs and we all get orange slices. parents included. coach's pitch starts at 5. hitting off the T is for babies still in the womb. or if you whiff on 5 pitches.
but we had a magical night last night. not only did reagan get a base hit from an actual pitch but he received the game ball.

and our sweaty sister:

and the sweaty mom:

did i mention it is hot?

snapshots from a midwestern adventure

2010-06-06T22:47:00.007-04:00

kansas city visit travelogue:
busy caloric humorous

things that make kansas city home to me or things i never want to forget:
a memorial day eve visit to my favorite cemetary of all time, mount moriah. creepy and peaceful.

plastic ball game cups from royals games of yesteryear. always available at grandma sandy's house. becks are the biggest supporters of losing teams and we proudly carry home our souvenir cups. and scarlett took every opportunity to get as sweaty and filthy as possible. all while wearing reagan's underwear. it was that kind of week.

cookies in the deep freezer. food filched from other places and then frozen for later consumption. our version of food storage.

mass quantities of ice cream. and more boxes in the deep freezer. plus ice cream pie. and fresh brownies. always.

laughing at ourselves via home videos or photo albums. in this case it was heather's wedding photos. nothing is sacred.

scenic northern arkansas

ryan's in west plains missouri- i've never thought very highly of ryan's buffet and after visiting ryan's for the last time in my life i didn't think it was possible to think more lowly of an eating establishment. how do you mess up lettuce? and i'm pretty sure they didn't own a mop. here or the wendy's. someone alert the county.

a few choice anonymous quotes from the trip:

"who would want a bag of prescription painkillers?" after someone related to me misplaced a briefcase full of drugs

"heather, how's your drinking problem?"

hello nastykins

2010-05-24T17:27:00.005-04:00

big day, saturday!

pancakes!

family swimming at the YMCA!

chik-fil-a for lunch at the food court at the mall!

BUILD-A-BEAR!

the library!

running around town like an unwashed mess!

all in the name of celebrating potty training!

it was 2 year old heaven!
as our last ditch effort/reward to hammer down the final nail on the potty training coffin, we started pulling out the big stops, promising all sorts of things to help scarlett realize that potty training was here to stay. i'm not ashamed at my ploys, they totally worked. we are an accident free zone. and nothing could be nicer. scarlett has a list of things she wanted and we promised them all. except for the icee at the gas station. next time, my dear.

at build-a-bear, she picked out the cheapest bear available and i couldn't have been prouder! i was most relieved that she overlooked the talking jonas brothers bears that the two girls in front of us selected. she named her bear, flip flop, and the accessories she chose were lots of pink ear bows and a set of diapers. but most of all she likes the "bear house box" that he/she came home in. she still hasn't decided his/her gender, which makes the name flip flop even more perfect.

scarlett "putting the guts in the bear", a direct quote. you can't teach that kind of verbal eloquence. it's innate.

for reals, build-a-bear is a little place i like to call terrible. i despise the place. i dislike stuffed animals(ruffy is REAL! i promise you!) and i especially have disdain for over-priced parent traps. i know, it's a personal problem. there is nothing wrong with build-a-bear. i'm the debbie downer. i'm a big fan of capitalism and build-a-bear is making a killing and i should applaud their(nauseating) efforts.
the unwashed masses. HELLOOO NASTYKINS! we were a parade of pool water, sweat, sunblock and snarly hair. do you see that man trying to shoo us away without besmirching himself or his child? there was a bar of soap in his palm trying to ward us off. it got worse with each stop during the day. i haven't felt more filthy since girls camp 1993 when i didn't shower for 4 days. but the minions were thrilled with the long day of non-stop activities and as long as the bribes and threats hold out, i'm sure we will do it again. next i'll be penning a parenting book entitled, "look ma, no hands! how you too can bumble through your children's most crucial developmental years!"

a final note- on the way home, scarlett had an accident in the car. perfect ending to a perfect day.

don't hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself

2010-05-18T18:22:00.006-04:00

i recently realized something. i don't have any babies anymore. i have two fork using, sentence speaking, potty using, bed sleeping kids. it's weird. those are all things that i do too. even meatball does most of those things.

reagan update:

reagan insists on pushing the buggy whenever we are at a store that requires a buggy(grocery cart for the rest of you). in a word, it's horrible. especially if you value your ankles. in other reagan news, he's joined a baseball team, graduated from preschool, and still asks quite often when his mizzzouri friends are going to be getting alabama houses too. the big move has definitely been the hardest on him.

scarlett update:

scarlett defies death daily. she could care less about safety. and being fully dressed. we finally made it over the potty training hump. we really need to give the credit to meatball. she became fascinated by meatball being so well potty trained that she decided she wanted to be like him and "use the facilities outside". whatever works, right? she is coming to understand one of life's most cruel realities, that some things are more socially acceptable for boys to do in the yard and not for girls. there is no such thing as equality in potty training.

heidi update-

i've stayed busy with my new calling at church, back as the primary secretary. apparently, i really have something to learn in the primary organization since i keep getting called there. perhaps i need to learn to love children, be more patient and especially be more reverent in church? it hurts but i'm trying. at least i'm not den mother, right?

i've also resumed my running here. and i'll tell you what, it's a lot harder to run here. A LOT. we live in the foothills of a mountainous area and 3 miles feels like 10. and i spend 75% running in ditches and on gravel due to the lack of sidewalks and paved shoulders. i've kissed my consistent pace goodbye and i am trying to enjoy crying while i run up and down hills. the local fire department has already been called once. and it was really embarassing. but i will be more than ready for the kansas city half-marathon in october. and i just threw down the gauntlet for the rest of you considering running it too.

thomas update:

thomas has actually said, "i really like my job." and that makes me happy too. he is thriving in the humidity and can't wait for the 100+ degree weather. and only 3 short months until football season. the kids have stopped asking who "that man" is and starting calling him daddy again. his new hours are great. he's still very busy, but is enjoying more flexibility.

a special thanks to everyone for complying with my navy, black, white, blue dress code. some unwittingly. others not. too bad we never got a complete family picture.

i'm sorry mama

2010-05-09T21:07:00.002-04:00

you certainly didn't raise me to talk like this(i can hear your voice in my head). good thing i didn't actually say any of these things. just took pictures.

mother's day at our house was fun. thomas and i both spoke in church so the kids made it even more special by being very loud and restless during our talks. it's nice to have your kids around to make you seem like even less of an authority when you are speaking on the importance of mothers.
and then after church i took a nap and then we went for a walk around the 'hood and picked flowers and strawberries in our backyard. a very little house on the prairie mother's day.

30 is nerdy

2010-04-29T14:04:00.003-04:00

or,
why i am a happy, frugal nerd

being that i've been 30 for 24 hours now, i've realized a few things in my life.
C. this blog is really about me. the pictures at the top are just a ruse. it's really always about me. but i have a great supporting cast.
B. i OWN 30. the rest of you are just renting. pay me $200 when you pass go. i just hate the idea of getting older because the numbers get bigger.
A- i am more and more removed from being an awkward junior high student. that's a really nice perk that comes with age. i am free to embrace my frugal nerdiness because i no longer have to deal with being grouped with people who are all struggling to find their identity and don't mind tearing others down to find themselves. i've always known who i am. my parents were great at instilling that in me. i don't have to be friends with everyone anymore. i only have to be nice and polite to everyone. i get to choose my friends and my attitude towards circumstances. hurray for 30!

also, as i get older, my list of frugal nerdyisms is much longer than ever before. and that's GREAT! instead of frugal nerdyisms, i should call them heidi-isms. the two shall heretofore be synonymous.

1. i love to shower at the gym. i look forward to it. it gives me so much freedom! someone is watching the kids and i get to get ready without putting out fires. and my water bill is lower! score!
2. i love classical music. sometimes it makes me cry.
3. anglophilia. it's not as gross as it sounds. i just love british things. my netflix queue is full of british tv shows. sometimes i dream in a british accent. i used to have dreams that i was best friends with the beckham's. you know, posh and becks? i would always wake up disappointed.
4. i get obsessive about things that i like. running, hunger games, gone with the wind, crunchy corn bran cereal, perfect point plus eyeliner in espresso brown. i'm the type to attend a nerd convention. or start a nerd convention. with costumes.
5. thomas and i live for the show 24. but because i can't stay awake it's more like 12 or sometimes 18.
6. i cannot and will not pay full price for anything. it hurts.
7. i like getting up early. though i love to sleep, i hate the feeling of not having enough time in the day to do everything. so i get up early. plus, i love alone time. love it. any early morning is the only time for that.

good times never looked so good

2010-04-25T21:24:00.010-04:00

my husband is the greatest.
he knows i am antsy about turning 30,
he knows i love surprises,
he knows i love to dress up in costume for no reason,
he knows i love cake and ice cream,
he knows i love attention to be showered upon me,
he knows i love the hunger games,
so, for the last two months, he planned a surprise 30th birthday hunger games themed murder mystery party!

he organized the food, the surprise, the secretive guest notification,

prepared two kinds of cake, chocolate and gooey butter cake

secretly read the books(which i figured out due to some good snooping and couldn't understand why he didn't tell me but i kept my mouth shut. which almost killed me but i guess it all worked out) researched and wrote 7 page murder mystery script, including a 13 district map, complete with inside jokes and gone with the wind references.

thomas led the festivities as thresh(brought back from the dead by the capitol for those of you in the know). his costume was a bungee cord tied around his waist and a pair of work gloves in his back pocket to represent thresh's agricultural district(way to go all out big T).

katniss everdeen, even at nearly 30, i still look barely 16. right?
effie trinket(who was the murderer) and plutarch(don johnson)heavensbee

madge undersee and fennick odair, both much taller than i pictured in the book.

johanna mason and cinna(who was totally NOT gay)

sweet caroline. bah ba dah. good times never looked so good.

we laughed,

we caroused,

a good time was had by all. especially me.

what my kids were up to while we partied. no sleeping. just movie watching and mess making.

it was the best night ever. i may have just as much anxiety about turning 31 so thomas is going to really have to work hard to outdo himself next year.

it's always sunny in our living room

2010-04-25T19:56:00.000-04:00

there were tears upon my first viewing of our new rental house in alabama. it's a fine house, our house, a very, very, very, fine house. but very oddly decorated. since our move was planned and executed in a month's time, we didn't have the chance to venture to alabama to check out properties. we basically winged it through the powers of the internet. this is the result. thomas likes to refer to it as, "the olive garden without the breadsticks." i refer to it as the temple of doom.
at last, the long-awaited highlights of our new abode in alabama:

at first glance, a mild-mannered living room

but upon closer appraisal, you've entered another world.
it's always sunny in our living room. the faux sky and vine ceiling:

the bird corner, or a paint job that would even make doves cry:

our own graffiti bridge. where we can party like thieves in the temple.(3 prince references in one post! this blog has everything!)

the "marble-ized" columns and the faux brick wallpaper.

and the tin foil bathroom. a veritable faux finish faux pas.

silver leaf on the walls and broken mirror mosaics.

thanks to all the mirrors, the hall of horrors goes on forever.

the hand painted splatter paint jackson pollack phone jack in the bathroom. in case you have to take care of business while you are taking care of business.

there are about 100 of these little maryjane-style flowers hand pieced together and glued to the wall in the silver bathroom. it's like trading spaces with a budget of $13 and a hot glue gun.

it's like a dream come true. if i dreamt of living in a roller rink slash cheesy photo studio. on the vegas strip. but without all the cheap buffets and blush inducing billboards.

crackers and georgia football

2010-04-13T15:47:00.004-04:00

on our first day of church in tuscaloosa, alabama 7 years ago, an OOOOOOLLLDD man came up to thomas and said, "hi, cracker! aren't you a georgia cracker?" the answer to that question would be yes, thomas is a white person from georgia, therefore making him by default a georgia cracker. and that's the whole story on that. it was funny. and a great way to be welcomed to a new area.

thomas is the biggest georgia fan in the universe amen. he's like those people from texas who think texas is on par with the garden of eden, but georgia is paradise on earth. and if heaven had a football team, it would be the georgia bulldogs. thomas believes, DIRECT QUOTE, "when good people die, they go to coach mark richt's house." he can't wait. on the other hand, he wouldn't pull for florida with one engine out on the plane.

saturday we attended the georgia spring football game in athens. we did all things georgia that day. we drove across the state like smokey and the bandit, we cut people off in atlanta traffic, we listened to outkast on the radio, we ate at zaxby's for dinner. on a unrelated note, i finally figured out how to use cruise control. a banner day.

the biggest relief for me was that there was no way for georgia to lose. and no fans would be picking fights. perhaps all teams should always play against themselves all the time? sunday would sure be a lot more spiritual around our house.

my favorite part was touring campus and thomas pointing out the butts-mehr facility. hahahaha. go ahead, say it again in your head.

it was no BYU (but, really what else is?), yet it was a pretty fantastic day.

for all the baby mama's mamas

2010-04-06T16:36:00.004-04:00

So we live a life like a video
When the sun is always out and you never get old

And the {milk's} always cold
And the music is always good
And the pretty girls just happen to stop by in the hood

And they hop their pretty {bottom} up on the hood of dat pretty {swell}car

Without a wrinkle in today

Cuz there is no tomorrow
Just some picture perfect day

To last a whole lifetime
And it never ends

Cos all we have to do is hit rewind
So lets just stay in the moment, smoke {summer sausage},

Drink some {juice boxes},
Reminisce talk {a little bit} forever young is in your mind
Leave a mark that can’t erase neither space nor time
So when the director yells cut,
I’ll be fine,

I’m forever young
~lyrics by jay-z, edits by heidi